One More Month

Dear Charlotte,
You are due to arrive one month from today. In fact, last night I was filling in our December calendar and YOU WERE ON IT! That thought floors me. And, of course, you could always come a little early. So in a month or less, you will be out here in the world. I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this. Of course, I am very excited to meet you. But I'm a little terrified too. The ways in which my life is about to change probably haven't even all occured to me yet. It scares me to know that I will be responsible for you when I barely know anything about babies, it scares me to think about the ways my relationship with your daddy will change, and, I'll go ahead and admit it, it scares me to think about the pain I'm about to experience to bring you from the inside to the outside.

But, dear Charlotte, you are the product of all our dreaming and hoping and love. I know that whatever I am about to go through in the next few weeks, as well as the rest of your life, is all going to be worth it. I have to warn you, I've never done this before. Please be patient with me, little Charlotte. I'm going to have no idea what I'm doing. Sure, I've done a lot to prepare, and I know I wont be alone but I'm sure there is a lot I'm going to have to leave up to God. I'll do my best, though and we'll figure this out together.

Please come soon, Charlotte. Not TOO soon, but soon. Your daddy and I will be here waiting for you, whenever you're ready.

Love,
Mama

2 months to go!

For the most part I have loved being pregnant. Sure there are some things about it that aren't fun, but what they say about it is true: you kind of forget the bad parts when you look back. I was thinking the other day about when I was so sick in the beginning. I remember that it happened, and I remember feeling like I was never going to feel good again, but I also don't REMEMBER. I tell myself it wasn't that bad.

But really, it's been great. I know I've been lucky in a lot of ways. There are women out there who have HORRIBLE pregnancies. Especially those who have high risk pregnancies. So every time I have something uncomfortable come up, I just remind myself how good I really have it.

One benefit I've really been enjoying is how much I love this body. It's weird, body image is something that I (like most girls/women) have struggled with. You wouldn't think that an additional 20 lbs or so would make me feel so good about myself haha! But it does, even as I get bigger and bigger. I am now approaching numbers that I have never seen on the scale before (of course, it scares me a little that I've seen some of these numbers before while NOT pregnant!) and I am thinking, "How can my belly possibly get bigger than this?!" Well, I've still got 2 months to go so it is definitely going to get a LOT bigger.

As much as I've loved all this, though, I finally had the, "I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore" feeling for the first time last week. The countdown has commenced. I know looking back it will have gone really fast, but right now the last two months look like a long road. With stairs. Still, next month I'll have a BABY! That blows my mind.