In This Marriage

It's my anniversary this month! It will be two years since me and hubs tied the knot. There is no possible way that I can believe that it has been two years already. Anyhow, is it bragging to say that I have an awesome marriage? If it is, then this is me bragging. Here are a few things that I've learned on the go that I thought would be fun to share.

My top 10 secrets to an awesome marriage:

1. Marry someone you have fun with

Do I have to explain this? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who bores you to death? Think of your best friend. I'm guessing you have fun with this person. Your hubby is your new best friend. Have fun with him.

2. Never take yourself too seriously.

This is really an overall life rule for me. Let's face it: when you are with someone so much, weird things are going to come up, weird things are going to happen. Learn how to laugh at yourself. Honestly, it just makes life more fun.

3. Let things go.

Don't hold on to past grievances. Deal with issues as they arise, and then leave them where they belong: in the past. Everyone makes mistakes, you wouldn't want the husband pulling out your fault list every time you made one, so don't do it to him either.

4. Pick your battles

Some things are worth going to battle over. Some things are not. If you don't want to be fighting all the time, then choose to only "discuss" the things that are major issues. You've heard the phrase "making a mountain out of a mole hill," if everything is a mountain then you will never be able to cross them all and you will never move forward. So knock over those mole hills without causing an incident and move on.

5. Prioritize

I'm just going to say it: your marriage is a big deal. Your spouse is a big deal. Look, your husband is your partner in life. You need to invest in him. And you need to make time for each other. Date night is not something that should fall by the wayside once you get married. In fact, it is even more important. There are so many little things that demand our attention everyday, make sure you remember to shut them all out once in a while and focus on each other.

6. Don't keep secrets

There is no place for secrets in a marriage. I'm telling you: either they WILL come out, or they will eat you alive. Why did you marry this guy if you don't want to share your life with him? I'm not saying you have to share every unimportant detail with each other. I honestly don't want to hear what my husband did every second of every day (and I'm nosy!). If it's an issue/important/dangerous to you or your marriage, spill the beans.

7. Try new things

There are no two people who are exactly alike. We are all unique and we all have different interests, including your spouse! Maybe you hate museums but he loves them, hit up a local one some weekend. Maybe the thought of sushi freaks you out but he has been craving it since you got married, (barring allergies) try it out! Not only will this allow you to experience new things (and maybe surprise you), it will also get you out of a dating rut (not that YOU ever get in one) and, most importantly, it will show your man that you care about him and the things that he cares about.

8. Make time for yourself

I know you love your husband. And if you're a newly wed, you probably want to spend all your time together. That's great! But make sure you also make time for you. Read a book, go for a walk. Don't get into the vortex of "us" so much that you forget about "me."

9. Speak up

Something bothering you but you're too afraid to say anything? Is there something you've always wanted to try? Bring it up (in a loving and open minded way). What's the worse that could happen, really? I said it before and I'll say it again: you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Might as well get things out on the table now rather than holding on to them for the next 20 years. Your husband can't read your mind (or so I've been told).

10. Get dirty, a lot

And have fun with it. You know what I'm talkin' about. That's all I'm gonna say.

Before You Say I Do...

My Top 10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Saying "Yes":

1. Is he good-lookin?

I'm sorry if that sounds shallow. But let's be honest: do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you're not attracted to? I mean, really? 'Cuz guess what? If you want a good marriage, you're going to be doing married things and you're gonna wanna like to look at your honey. Plus, chances are things aren't going to get better with time, if you know what I mean. Sure, personality and common interests and all that are important too. But if you can't look at the person you're talking to, then you aren't going to get much of the other stuff. Just sayin'.

2. Does he believe the same things you do?

I'm not just talking about your spiritual beliefs although is MUY IMPORTANTE. I'm talking your other beliefs too. Do you have strong political views? Are you an environmentalist? Do you believe sugar is of the devil? Are you a vegetarian? Think of your core values. What is important to you? If he doesn't share your values, it could cause confusion or even big issues. If you don't understand or value each others' values then you wont understand why the other person values them either.

3. Does he want kids? How many?

This is going to come up someday. And if you're not on the same page...Uh oh...

4. How does he treat his family?

This is important. Here's why: his family is who he is most comfortable around. He's been with them his whole life! If he gets along well with his family, that's good. If he doesn't, you're gonna want to know that too. 'Cuz guess what? If you marry him, YOU will become his family.

5. Does he have a good job (or a job at all)?

Do I really have to add anything to this? A man feels like a man when he can provide for his family. If he can't or doesn't, issues may arise. Also, do you want to be the main provider for your family? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. This is strictly about how you feel about it. Just make sure the job situation is something you consider.

6. Can you be completely comfortable around him?

I'm not asking if you feel okay being gross around him (although, those times will probably come too). Ask yourself if you're being your true self with him. Do you hide your love for sci-fi? Do you never let him see you without makeup? If you can't be comfortable with your man, one of two things will end up happening: either things will blow up when he finally meets the real you, or you will spend your life being miserable because you can't be who you are. Here's a hint: neither option is a good one. Be yourself.

7. Does he make you feel special?

 Does he still do romantic things for you? Do you still have special date nights? Some women seem to think that these things will come after they get married. DON'T BE DECEIVED! Marriage is hard work! If the romance isn't kept alive before you say "I do" it will quickly fizzle out and die after the honeymoon. Because being married isn't the cure for lack of romance. Putting a ring on a man's finger doesn't make him a Romeo. Honestly, things often cool down after the wedding and it takes even more work to keep things romantic. 

8. Does he serve you?

Does he put you first? Please don't take this as a diva license. A husband is not a genie, sent to fill your every whim. But if you're going to be married, you want a man who makes you his priority. (By the way, you've got to prioritize and serve him right back!) Watch to see if he lets you choose the movies every now and then. See if he really listens to you. You'll be able to tell if he is putting you first or only thinking about himself.

9. Do you like his friends?

You know that saying, "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future?" It's true. Besides, not only do you "marry the family" you also sometimes "marry the friends." Basically I'm saying, when you join your life to someone else, you get the whole package. Let's be real, he may have one or two oddball friends that you don't like. That's not a deal breaker. But say you don't really like any of his friends. Or say him and his friends enjoy things and activities that you don't like/agree with. You're going to get all that when you tie the knot. Marriage isn't a buffet where you can pick and choose the pieces of someone's life that you want. So make sure you like what you ordered.

10. What don't you like about him?

Be honest with yourself. I know that love makes people blind and all that. And I'm not saying go looking for his flaws. But if you see something you don't like, don't ignore it and hope that it will go away after the wedding. It wont. In fact, it will probably be even more annoying to you than it is now. Instead, ask yourself, "Is this something we can discuss and work out?" and if not, "Is this something I can get used to?" If the answer is no, then you might want to reconsider.