#94--Make a Pie from Scratch

Ok so pretty much since I saw this video when I was little:

...I have been intrigued by the idea of making a pie from scratch. It's funny to think that something that used to be the norm fascinated me so much. Haha.

Then, a couple of months ago I went to Utah to visit my parents. There had been this restaurant I used to work at that had the best homemade pies and I was so looking forward to having some pie. There are just not that many places that sell pie, you know? Unfortunately the place was closed down so my pie dreams were dashed. That's when I decided to add "make a pie from scratch" to my life list. And last night, 3 months later, I finally did it and satisfied my pie craving!

Mixing the pie dough

Most of the recipes I found had you making the filling from scratch and then using store bought, pre-made, dough. But that's not the way I wanted to do it. I also wanted to make my own pie dough. After searching the internet for a while I decided to see what Martha had to offer. (Thanks to the free subscription I got to Martha Stewart Living I'm now obsessed with Martha haha). So I found this recipe for apple pie and this recipe for pie dough and went from there.

Dough to be cooled in fridge

Pie filling!

All ready to pop in the oven

Fresh out and piping hot

Yum yum yum

I was kind of nervous about making it because so often things I plan to do don't turn out like I thought. I was afraid the pie would explode or sink or SOMETHING. But it turned out amazing! It was actually a lot more time consuming than I thought but it was fun and I was super excited about it. I will definitely be making this again. Probably for Thanksgiving!

#10--Get a professional massage

Wow, I actually did this on Saturday, the 16th but, in the meantime, we've been moving and it's been crazy.

So my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and I went out to lunch and then to the spa for our birthdays. It was awesome and I really enjoyed the massage. But most of all I enjoyed the family time:)

I didn't take any pictures cuz..hello? That would be weird. Plus...my cameras were still packed. So....suffice to say CHECK! I'm pretty happy about it too.

The life list is going pretty well this year lol. I'm also pretty excited because after what feels like SCOURING the internet, I finally found a site to post an ad for a pen pal! And I also wrote to some people on the site, so I'm hoping that I can cross off #12 sometime in the near future! I think this is the life list item I am most excited about right now:)

Last but not least: meet Sally Squirrel!

O hai Sally Squirrel

Ya I know she looks nothing like a squirrel. And ya this is a terrible picture. I unpacked my cameras but I decided to go the lazy-cellphone-picture route.

I've had her since I was three. She actually used to have fur but it's long since rubbed off. I have no idea how I still have her or how I got her back from wherever she was hiding for several years. But whatever. She's been on a couple of mission trips with me now and, although I never took any pictures with her before, I've decided to start including her in some of my pictures, especially life list posts. Sooooo...welcome to the blog Sally Squirrel:)

Tip of the Day

When one day is all "exclamation points!!!!" and the next is all "CAPITAL LETTERS," take a benedryl and go to bed early.

Darn it, darn it all to heck

I am AGGRAVATED!

I feel like LAUREN SMASH. Such a weird feeling. I feel like if someone looked at me wrong right now I might scream. Not necessarily *at* them but just a general, guttural scream of frustration.

I am in an incredible *mood* tonight. I know what is setting me off, I just don't know why it's effecting me so deeply.

I've been going through these up and down swings of, I don't know, self-esteem maybe? I kind of feel used, which is something I've never really felt before. And I'm longing for something *real*.

This past weekend I worked a women's conference at the church and I got to attend most of the sessions. And ya know, it was really good and the main part I got out of it was something I needed to hear: you could have been born at any time, yet God chose for you to be born when and where you are. And all this made me feel awesome, like "I have a purpose!" and then I was all, "what the heck is my purpose?!"

It's something I had already been struggling with lately since I turned 23. I know I posted about it before but I really just thought my life would be different now. Like, MORE, I guess. I thought I would be important and I don't feel important. I thought I would be special and smart and I don't feel those things either.

I feel lost and like I'm still looking for "me." And I'm upset because I have (or I had) higher standards for myself and my standards say it's unacceptable for me to still not know who I am. Or what I want. Or what I even like.

And I feel like I'm making strides. And I'm trying to take steps in the right direction. Not just "step"-steps but actual meaningful and thought-out steps. And yet I still feel like for every step I take forward, I have to take two steps back for damage control.

So I'm frustrated. And I'm angry at the world. Like a child, I'm angry at the world for not giving me what I want. For not being what I expected. And I'm angry at myself for being childishly angry at the world. And I'm angry at myself for not pushing myself and making this life what I wanted it to be. I'm just so ANGRY.

And I'm lonely. And I'm sad. And I'm looking for someone to talk to and no one is there.

And I'll probably feel better in the morning. And foolish for posting this.

#103 Go on a hayride to a pumpkin patch

Trey with his pumpkin

aaannnddd...with another pumpkin

The farm had the most beautiful sunset.

Me and Trey

It's blurry cuz we were moving


Check!

This month is being a good life-list month for me.

Yesterday Trey and I went to a pumpkin patch with some friends. It was totally fun. I was really afraid that this item on my list wouldn't live up to my expectations. You know how that sometimes happens? So I was really trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it ended up being really fun! We got to go on a hayride, see some animals, pick out pumpkins and go through a corn maze.

Overall I really enjoyed it, although the best part was probably just being outside and getting to spend some time with my husband and some friends!

The view looking up from the hayride

Hayride!!

Punkins

Baby cow wants some MILK

Tip of the Day

Try plucking your eyebrows in the car (during the day)(not while you're driving)(duh). It makes a big difference.

Tip of the Day

Laugh lines are the trophies of a life well lived. Never back down from a good laugh.

#102? I'm saying CHECK

In a semi-effort to start #102 on my life list, as well as just for my own random pleasure, I thought it would be fun to start leaving random little things around in random places.

So today I got some paper and my gluestick (I wasn't kidding about that tip of the day) and made a little mini-book. And I wrote in it and drew (drawled) in it and now I'm just looking for a place to put it. I got like the hugest kick out of it ever so I'll probably do this again.

It also gets me super depressed to think about it getting thrown away so I made a duplicate and stuck it in my journal lol. Because I am awesome. The only thing left to decide is if I should try and track it somehow a la Operation Beautiful or something like that. Eh, maybe not.

I wish someone was leaving me random cute things to find in random places. I think I might be a hero.

Tip of the Day

Always have your gluestick with you. You never know what you might need to glue.

Tip of the Day

Don't continue to open up to someone who wont open up to you.

They obviously don't want the same kind of relationship with you as you want with them.

Stuck

I feel trapped.

I feel like there is some opportunity that I am missing out on. My internal environment is all in turmoil right now. I am just so FRUSTRATED and not completely sure why.

I feel like a bomb about to go off.

I guess that, for me, moving has always been the start of a NEW adventure. I've never moved back to anywhere before. And as much as I wanted to move back to Birmingham and I missed Birminham and I love Birmingham, it's like it goes against my nature to move back to Birmingham. Where is my NEW adventure? Can I find it in a place I've been already? It doesn't help that I have also, basically, lived here for four years now and my internal-time-clock is saying "it's time to move!" Old habits die hard.

You know, I think I watch too much TV and too many movies. Because my life never seems exciting enough. And lets be real, who's life is as exciting as TV? Even reality shows aren't reality. (And who wants the reality show brand of "exciting" anyway? ew.)

I want grand gestures! and great adventures! and to never work! Haha.

I hate Tuesdays.

Celebrate!

I think October is my FAAAVOORITE month. It has finally started to cool down a bit (knock on wood), the leaves will be falling soon and it all just makes me feel like it's FALL! my favorite time of year.

Yesterday I celebrated with some more fall-y jams and my {current} obsession:

Iced sugar cookie from Edgars! Plus...it is (was) a pumpkin! Hello! FALL!!!

Fall just gets me all pumped up for new adventures for some reason. And I also feel like it gets my creative juices a-flowin. Now if I just had some space...

Regardless, I see big things on the horizon and I feel like I've been walking around with and extra bounce in my step. Maybe this year can be salvaged yet!

Expectations

Can I just say, 2010 did NOT exactly go according to plan. Ya ya, I know, 2010 is not over yet. But hey, I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say that my expectations for an entire year are not going to come to frutation in the next three months.

Last winter I thought 2010 was going to be MY YEAR! It was going to be the best YEAR 4EVER YAY! Not to say that it was *all* bad, but ya...it was pretty rough.

I try not to look at things as failures. Instead, I try to see things as learning experiences and times of growth. That being said, I hope I grew a TON this year. Haha.

I was looking back at some of my old blog posts and thinking about all that I was going through at the time and all the things I was hoping to get out of this year. And you know what? Most of what I wanted to get accomplished did not get accomplished. And the dreams I had got put on hold and this year was a lot of heartache and pain. But I'm still glad I'm not where I was last year. I guess I'd say I'd rather be here than there. So I'd call that progress. And hey! there's always next year!

Come on 2011!

Yes, Jesus Loves Me

I am sitting in the cafe alone. It's been a quiet day and I've enjoyed the peace. I think I am really starting to enjoy mornings.

Behind me is a small group of mothers with their young children. A minute ago they started singing "Yes, Jesus Loves Me." It seemed like everything got quiet but the voices of the mother's teaching their babies that old, simple song.

I closed my eyes and listened to them for a minute. "Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so..."

It made me want to cry. Why can't I feel like things are that simple? Life gets complicated as we get older but I'm just so sick of feeling so stressed out and like everything is a big deal.

I'm thinking I need to get up earlier in the mornings more often. I need more of those quiet moments alone that seem to help me re-align.

Of course, now the mothers are singing some loud clapp-y song and I'm feeling so glad we decided to put of having babies for a while longer haha...

Life...

Has been....different than I expected. You know that saying "when it rains, it pours"? Of course you do. And it's so true.

I feel like we've been swimming upstream to get to where we need to be. Like we are trying to catch up in a race, and everyone else got a headstart.

It's so frustrating and I lie awake at night and worry. I am a worrier, I know it. And then I berate myself because I know that worrying is not of God. And it's like this endless cycle of feeling bad and stressed out.

I KNOW that this is not forever. I know I wont FEEL like this forever and I know that life wont BE like this forever. So I'm holding on to that. And I'm trying not to think about the job I'm going to have to get or the bills we are going to have to pay or the new cars that we both need. I'm trying not to think about all the things that keep coming up and coming up and coming up, but that's exactly the nature of those things isn't it? They keep coming up and they wont let me forget about them.

And I find myself trying to organize every tiny detail of my life, because that's how I cope. Somehow my brain tells me that if I organize, then I can control. And we all know, that's not true. And really, the frantic list making and scheduling, besides helping me remember everything I would most likely forget, only proves to make me worry and stress more. But I can't stop, because like I said, I would forget everything I need to remember.

I'm just so sick of being stressed out. I want it to end. But this is life.

Back

Well, I'm back. In a lot of ways.

I haven't wanted to write. These last few months have been...different...and I didn't want to write about it, couldn't write about it, shouldn't have been writing about it.

So, we've moved back to Alabama. It's been a really fast/abrupt/amazing decision and it's really good to be home. It's also really weird to be home. It's not like moving back was the easy option, but it was necessary and it was the best option, for sure.

But you know what? I think I thought I was coming back to my old life. And I didn't come back to my old life. I came back to a new life in my old town. So I'm still adjusting. And it hasn't even been a week yet so I think I'm allowed to cut myself some slack.

So I thought it was time to pick up the ol' blog, dust it off, and start anew. This move feels like a fresh start to me. I know I said last year that fall always feels like the beginning of a new year to me. So that, combined with the move, makes this whole time just seem like a whole new start for me. I'm excited/scared/stressed/relieved/hopeful about the whole thing. We definitely had to make some sacrafices but I know that we are in a good place and, more importantly, in a God place.

So hopefully I'll be around the blog more. I'm still trying to get settled and get things figured out but this is like my version of "Hey, I'm back."

Ta

#82-- Learn to love heels

Ok, apparently when I added this item to my life list I neglected to observe the cardinal rule for writing goals: They have to be measurable.

How, exactly, do you measure whether or not I have achieved the goal of "learning to love heels?" The only basis I have to go on is that I now FEEL that I have accomplished this goal: I wear heels nearly everyday and have been loving doing it. The only issue now is that I feel I MUST add more to my wardrobe. Haha.

So, short post: check, #82: check.

Peace

Update

Not much has been going on down here in Thomason-land. I kind of feel like everything is just holding its breath until we actually HAVE INTERNS. Ya, that will make a big difference.

The homesickness has subsided, a bit. BUT, we're trying to plan a trip to visit family and I'm not sure if that will make things better or worse. Not that I don't want to go, I just don't know how I'll feel when I get back.

The baby bug has bit me a little again. I'm not really saying much to Trey about it or even doing anything at all. I know the timing isn't great so I'm just waiting. But as soon as he says it's time...I'm there!

The time seems to be going by fast and slow at the same time. Sometimes we get to the weekend and it seems like time has flown so fast.

I have been spending my days in Trey's office, on my computer, just working on stuff for 24/7. I have my own cubical with a computer and everything but I have spent next to no time in there. I'm sure I will move in there eventually but, for now, it is just easier to stay with Trey. And I HAVE been getting a lot of work done so I don't feel too bad about it:).

We love our townhouse. Well, everything but the screaming dryer and the lack of garbage disposal. Still, perspective? we're doing ok. The original plan was to only be in this house for a few months and then look for a new place, as the owner is trying to sell it. BUT, last week she said we could stay there as long as we like. So we still might be moving sometime but at least there is no pressure for a while.

I can't think of much else. That's our short update for now!

Scrambled

It's been a bit of a rough week for me. I'm not sure if I HAVE too much going on, or if I'm making too much for myself to do. Or both. Or neither.

For example: I just got done organizing my craft bookmarks (pretty sure I had like...a thousand). It took forever and it was something I felt like I needed to do. And maybe I did. Or maybe it is just something stupid that I wanted to do instead of doing something important.

But you know, on the other hand, there are just some little "stupid" things that you have to do sometimes. And crafting is a hobby for me and being organized is a need for me. So I'm gonna take this as a win.

It's just that I look at my lists and, instead of shrinking, they seem to grow. Every time I cross something off I feel like I add two more things. It's the list equivalent of taking one step forward and two steps back. And to top off the stress I get from these lists, I lie awake at night thinking about money we don't have, being homesick, and wondering when I'm ever going to see my family again (it's been over a year: unacceptable.) This whole adjustment thing for me has been harder than I thought at first. Part of the problem is it is more of an ever present and dull ache than a quick and over pain.

I've been trying to get things in order and I just feel like I'm running all over the place and not getting anything done. I feel so scrambled and my brain is becoming ADD and not allowing me to think about any one thing for a period of time.

Last week at the conference was so good, and I really want to write about that, but I cant pull my thoughts together enough to form words. I really don't handle stress well do I? No, no I don't.

Sew

Internal Zipper Pocket
Invisible zipper

Again for the lack of blogging...

...I apologize. I have blogs I want to write (read: move, crazy movers, this new life I'm living) but time, and lack of internet at home (currently) oh, and unpacking, are hindering me. Soooo....I thought I would write something I've been meaning to write since...January...

Church of the Highlands (my now old church) did a series in January about doing 5 things everyday to achieve your goals. If you interested in hearing more you can view the series here.

So, after many months, and much hemming and hawing, I have FINALLY narrowed mine down:

1. Make time for my Number 1
2. Take care of my temple
3. Be a good steward
4. Keep the romance alive
5. Overcome my inhibitions

I don't know why it was so hard for me to come up with these. I guess a lot of it had to do with the fact that I am 1.) indecisive and 2.) interested in just doing too much. I realized that I was putting things on my list that I already did without thinking and, subsequently, decided I needed to fill it with things I wouldn't do naturally: Things I needed to remind myself to do. And hopefully, the more I do them, the more they will become habits and I wont need a list to remind me to do "my 5."

More for me than anything else, I want to expound a little on each of my five:

1. Number one is all about making time for God: my Number One. I think that making time to read His word and to talk to Him is more important than anything else...and something I struggle with. Sometimes it's hard for me to make God my priority and I take my relationship for granted. I say to myself "God's still going to be there for me even if I do (insert some random task(usually sleep some more)) instead of read my Bible this morning." And that's true, He will still be there for me, but what kind of friend am I being if I don't make any time for Him? And how can I have a healthy relationship with Him if I never talk to him? Ya....exactly. (BTW, I'm not saying I don't talk to God, I do. I'm just saying I haven't made my time with Him enough of a priority lately.)

2.) Number 2 is something that's important to me. It's something I talk about and think about and plan for, and then never do. Taking care of my temple, to me, means a lot of things. It means exercising and watching what I eat and taking my vitamins. I want for my body to be a tool that I can use instead of something that holds me back by being too tired or too unhealthy.

3.) Number 3 encompasses several things. I had tried putting them all on the list until I realized that all these little "things" I wanted to do really were in the same vein of wanting to take care of what I have. Being a good steward, to me, means being frugal with our money. It means taking care of our things and being organized. Organization is something that is important to me and helps me get done the things I need to get done. For some reason, the things on my "5" are all things that are important to me but I never seem to do. I guess that's the point?

4.) Number 4 is all about my Number 2. God is my Number 1, Trey is my Number 2. Trey is the most important person on this planet to me and I know I have a huge responsibility when it comes to our marriage. Especially now that Trey is going to be in full-time ministry, I know that one of my big roles is supporting him. Not that that wasn't one of my roles before, it just seems even more important now for some reason. I want to be the very best wife to Trey that I can be and "Keeping the romance alive" means more than just "romance" if that makes sense. It means romantic things, like keeping it fresh and taking time to spend together, but it also means being there for Trey whatever he needs and being a good "life partner."

5.) When I had the first 4 done I had a lot of trouble coming up with number 5. I thought about lots of different things and I thought about my goals. My goals have changed a lot with this move and new situation and I knew that there were things I was going to need to change. Somewhere in the past few years I have become a totally different person than I was before. A few years ago I was outgoing and uninhibited. And lately, I've noticed that I'm...shy? SHY! What am I supposed to do being shy in a place and role that requires me to meet new people and set an example? So I decided to add it to my list and do something about it. They say practice makes perfect so I'm hoping that by "practicing" I can overcome this roadblock and get it off my list!

So there ya go. Or there I go. Time to get to work. I know I'm a bit late (January to April anyone?) but better late than never right? Exactly.

A Cry for Help

Let me tell you...this past week has been fraught with problems. It seems that everything that could go wrong, has:

Our movers have deceived us over and over again and have YET to deliver our stuff. Trey was given a bad check for some work he did which left us in a very bad place, especially considering the move and our trips back and forth to Alabama. I have been sick almost everyday and have had a mouth ulcer that is driving me insane (of course, those last two are probably more a result of the stress but they're not helping). Our house and storage needs to be cleaned out. And I just don't seem to have enough time to get everything that NEEDS to be done, done. Much less the things I had wanted to do.

And on top of those big ones, there have been countless little stresses that are, piled on the foundation of my big stressers, enough to push me over the edge. I'm so much of a mess right now that I feel like I can barely function. Poor Trey has taken the brunt of a lot of my stress.

I feel horrible, I've acted horrible. And those horrible things have left me feeling MORE horrible. It's an endless cycle of horrible that I just want to run to my bed to escape. And then I remember that I don't *have* a bed right now.

I want to cry, but every time I feel the tears someone else walks up to talk to me and I blink them away. I want to scream, but I know it's time for me to act like an adult. I want to stay in bed all day and wish the world would disappear, but there are things that need doing and people that need seeing and I must get up. I want to go away and take a vacation, but we just started a new job. I want my mom, but she's across the country.

Regardless, I have found that I have actually warmed up to North Carolina much more, and much sooner, than I expected. I know that God has a purpose and I DO trust him. I am desperately trying to focus on the things that are going well instead of focusing on the (seemingly countless) things that are going wrong. It's so hard and I just keep telling myself that this has to be satan. And then I tell myself that if satan is attacking this hard, the things we are meant to do in NC must be going to be really awesome.

I cling to the promises that God will provide for us and that he has a purpose and a plan. The doubts and worries seem to come so naturally to me and I'm so exhausted from fighting them off, and suppressing my feelings about the move, and trying to support Trey, and planning for 24/7, and taking care of things from the move (on the side we left as well as the side we're entering), and trying not to let people down, and trying not to fall apart when people seem to keep letting us down and on and on and on. I'm so exhausted, in fact, that I can't hardly sleep. And I have no idea how I'm going to help Trey drive back home tomorrow.

O God, help me! O friends...pray for me. Pray for me and Trey. I know, in my heart of hearts, that everything is going to be ok. I know that God is going to take care of us. And I know that this whole ordeal is something we'll look back on and laugh. Like, the parent's who tell you about their first years of marriage on a shoe-string budget. I hope we can chuckle about this the way they do. I hope that we look into each other's eyes and remember these days with the kind of romantic magic I always feel when older couples share these kinds of stories. I know going through the fire makes you stronger and all I can do is cling to my Jesus.

Believe it or not, I am relieved to not be pregnant or have a baby right now. I know, right?

quick update

Well...after trials of many kinds...we're here in North Carolina.

I have to say, I'm doing much better than I thought I would be. Though we haven't actually gotten to stay in it yet...I do really like our new place. Now if the dern movers would just get here!

I haven't actually started working yet because the church is giving me some time to get our stuff together, but Trey has been working and I've been here everyday (what else am I going to do?). I am enjoying getting to hang out with him and being in meetings and such.

Ok now people are coming in the office and distracting me so that's all for now. I'll try to start updating more once we get settled and I can settle my brain as well.

Dump

I am exhausted.

I have so much going on in my head right now that I keep having to run and look at my list(s) because I feel like I'm forgetting something. And of course, every time I look at my list I see that I am not forgetting anything...I just have a lot of time-sensitive stuff to do that I can't actually do yet. And it keeps happening over and over again.

I carry a little notebook around with me. Well...actually...I carry: my journal, a planner (that I really just use as a daily "to-do" list, a tiny notebook to write anything I think I need to remember, and my phone with my master schedule, several lists and yet another to-do list. Scary right? And I am constantly pulling out one thing or another and checking to make sure I'm on the right track, or adding things to my lists and what not. I am like a crazy person.

As much as the thought of moving has brought stress into my life, I also feel a sense of relief when I think about it now. I guess I feel like, if we can just get moved, that I can relax. I can settle into a routine and I can form a schedule that doesn't get completely ignored.

I'm looking forward to making my schedule and planning out my days. I know some people can't live that way, but I love it. When life stresses me out, it helps me to plan and to make lists. I guess it's because it is something I can control when my world is out of control.

So it's bittersweet, this moving thing. I still can't decide how I feel.

We're moving

...in a week. We're moving in a week. We're moving in a week. No matter how I say it, I can't seem to get it to sink in.

Most of our stuff is packed. There are boxes everywhere and the walls are bare. The apartment looks a lot like it did when we first moved in. Except there are more boxes. I guess we have accumulated some stuff in the past year.

Honestly, I've been packing and thinking about our new place and planning and taking care of business, but I just can't seem to get it in my head that we are actually moving. Though, looking back, I think I've pretty much felt this way about all the moves in my life so maybe this is the normal response. At least, normal for me. If that be the case, I have about 6 days before it hits me and I freak out. Like, when they are loading all my stuff into a truck.

I can't say that I'm not excited. At least a part of me is excited about the whole directing a 247/working with Trey/starting a new chapter in our life thing. The bigger part of me just seems to be in denial. Fun. I know in my head that moving is a normal part of life (well, normal for me) and that everything will be ok and we'll settle into our new lives and we'll get used to it. But my stomach doesn't seem to agree with my head and it keeps reminding me by shifting uneasily. Oh the joy.

Well, I guess it's too late now though. We're moving and that's all there is to it. And it'll be fine. It might even be great. If I can just get past that "Eeep" I know it will all be great.

Trey Speaks Again

Wanna hear some more Trey-poetry?

We're freakin' awesome,
We live in a tree.
Down down down,
By the big big bee!
We're freakin' awesome,
And we have. to. pee!

I love my life.

#19--Try Sushi

I didn't NOT like it. That's all I really know to say. It was such a different experience than anything I've ever tasted that I can't really compare it to anything.

The pastors of the church that we are going to be working at love sushi so, while having lunch with them, I decided to try a piece--you know, for life list purposes.

I think it is something I'll have to grow into.

Anti-Climactic Update

So, if you don't know, Trey and I are moving.

Over the past several months we have been in talks with a church in North Carolina about moving up there to start a 24/7 internship program. Last week we flew up for a second interview and were offered the job.

Trey will be working full time as the director and I will be working part time as his assistant.

We're excited, nervous and all the other emotions that go with moving and big life changes.

I might not be around the blog much for awhile (o biiiiigg change, right?) because we are moving in 3 weeks (the day after Easter) and I've got a lot to do. I just finished a loose schedule for us over the next few weeks and between all the packing and regular activities and crazy things-that-you-never-think-about, our schedule is full and bursting at the seams.

So...I may not have time to write. I have been journaling and I hope that someday I can look back at all this and think about the "good ol' days."

Until then, please pray for everything to go smoothly for us as we make this big transition.

Love,
Lauren

Bits

Blogging has become increasingly difficult for me. I want to get on here and write, but I have nothing to say. I want to describe everything that is going on in our lives, but I'm waiting until things settle a bit.

Another thing that has led me to blog less, is that I have really picked up journaling again. There are some things you just dont want to post on a blog and some things that just cannot be expressed through type. But, in the interest of my blog not traveling to the wasteland where un-used blogs go to take up internet space, here are a few snippets.
Trey and I are doing fabulous. We went through a rough time with the loss of his job in the fall and money issues were tearing me apart. Money isn't really any better than it was but God has been providing for us so much and we have been making it through. Well, better than just "making it through." I find myself loving Trey more and more everyday, which I had heard of but never understood. I feel like we have recaptured our newlywed feeling even as we approach our one year anniversary (!). We just have so much fun together that I can't imagine being happier right now.
We leave for North Carolina again tomorrow. We are flying this time which should be fun and we are having a rental car--first time for both of us so that is something we are excited about too. We are only staying a very short time and will be back by Thursday evening but we are hoping to get some more clarity during this trip and really be sure about our next step.
One of my favorite things to happen recently was the birth of our niece, Lily. She wasn't expected till the 14th and my SIL, Kassie, was going to be induced this Wednesday (while we were out of town, boo.) However, Lily had other plans and made her entrance in the wee minutes of this past Thursday morning. She is a perfect 6lbs 3 oz, 19 inches long. Some people say all babies are cute. This blanket statement does not always apply to newborns as they often come out, well, looking like little squished aliens. But people? Let me tell you, little Lily has been beautiful since the beginning.See? And this picture was from her birthday. For now I'm her only aunt so I'm pretty sure that makes me a shoe-in for favorite:D

I can't wait to see her again already. She didn't do wonders for my biological clock, but I think I'm closing in on Trey;)

*thu-thump*

#79--Learn to Crochet

Sorry it's been so long. First of all I'd like to say: we're headin' to North Carolina again! Well be leaving the week after next so please keep us in your prayers again.

And now...Trey got me a book for Valentines day to crochet cute little animals. So of course I had to tackle item # 79 so I could start making some. And...I've still got progress to make but here is what I've got so far:
Trey wanted the hedgehog. It came out WAY bigger than I planned so I might try again...


Then I made a Moxie. I actually understood the concept enough this time to modify the pattern--like, a lot--so really I take full credit for this. Haha. I'm pretty proud of here even if she does look a little wonky. And that purse is my very favorite purse ever by the way. I love it. That little tidbit was free.


Moxie just *loves* her look-a-like. Can't you tell?

Insomnia

Last night I couldn't sleep. I don't know if it was the soy chai I had at work or what but I just couldn't sleep, even though I was exhausted from my long day of work.

So I was laying in bed trying not to wake Trey and, as I often do, I started a list on my phone:

I am:

A lover
A fighter
The "cute" one
Funny
A thinker
A planner
A daydreamer
Sentimental
A minimalist
Organized
A lover of lists
A poet
Easily adaptable
Always changing
A cat owner
A Christian
Adopted
A wife (!)
A daughter
A blogger
A wannabe foodie
A creator
A child
A woman
A sister
A worrier
Responsible
Concerned with health and fitness
Soft clay
Willing to change
An ex-emotional girl
Frugal

And so many other things, but in the interest of me doing something but try to think of things I am all day, just the list I wrote last night will suffice.

Coincidentally, today in the book I'm reading, it was talking about us, as women, trying to find our identity amidst all the hats we sometimes wear. And I'm like, "Self, was I identity-searching last night?" We may never know.

Anyway, that's my tidbit for the day.

Bathroom

I am exhausted. I think I'm still recovering from our trip, but I also took on an internet project that is really taking it out of me. More on that when I finish it...like in a year. Just kidding, it will be sooner than that, haha.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say that this:

Cant remember where I found this...

is the most fabulous bathroom I have ever seen. I want.

Not a-poem-a-day February

Obviously this has NOT been poem-a-day February. I had started out well but crumbled when our days got so hectic all I wanted to do in my (limited) free-time was sleep.

We just got back (and I mean JUST) from a week long trip to North Carolina this morning. In fact, Trey dropped me off at work on our way back home and I've been here since. So I haven't even been home yet.

It was a long week but a good one. We had traveled up there to meet with some people at a church in Raleigh and it was just totally a God week. Even if nothing comes of it I think it was just totally orchestrated by God to speak some things into our life. I definitely had a good time but I can hear my bed calling me from here. We drove six hours to Atlanta last night, arrived there at one a.m. and then got up at 5:30 and drove the rest of the way here. So ya, long night. I believe Trey is at home taking a nap right now and I am totally jealous. If you're looking for me after 5 tonight I will be dead to the world. Sorry.

I can't wait to share more about what God is doing in our life right now but I think it must wait a little longer. I learned my lesson before in counting my eggs before they have hatched and I don't plan on doing that now.

To all our friends and family who know our situation and have been praying for us: thank you! We have really been trusting God and trying not to take any steps before He gives the go ahead so we'll see what He says!

Love,
Lauren

February Poem, Day 2

I cannot go to school today
I cannot go to school.
My teachers are all mad at me,
I've broken all the rules.

I've broken all the sticks of chalk,
I wrote on all the desks.
I pulled all of the girls hair,
And all the cubbies, wrecked.

I didn't come in from recess time,
I started a food fight at lunch.
I hid under my desk in math,
Gave the bunny pencils to munch.

I put a frog in the teacher's desk,
I fed my homework to the dog.
I led the class in a silly song,
And ran from the principle at a jog.

So I cannot go to school today
There is a problem, you see?
'Cuz I wreaked havoc on everyone else,
Today they'll wanna wreak havoc on me!

Twitter

I'm staring to think I should have stuck with Twitter. I stopped using it a couple of months ago and haven't had the heart to pick it back up. BUT, the past few days I've had a lot of little blurbs that I have wanted to release into the world somewhere, somehow. Changing my Facebook status every time a new thought pops into my head doesn't seem polite and, like I said, I just don't want to go back to Twitter! I don't know why. Maybe I should. I probably should. O sheesh, I probably should. Anyway, until such a time as I rejoin the masses in their 140 character bursts of word vomit (or spouts of wisdom. Who are YOU following?), here are my thoughts for today:

What is it with people and cups of ice?

I think I like soy chai.

Yes I'm a fan of the soy chai.

Thank God for soy chai or this "no milk" thing would be hard in the cafe.

*Can you tell I'm at the cafe?*

All-staff meetings scare me.

I am FA-REAKING out about this interview.

What should I wear?!

What if I forget to pack something?

My ear is plugged again.

But my booty still hurts from that shot at the dr so I don't wanna go back. I DON'T WAAAANNNA!

Oooo...just found out staff meeting means I get free lunch.

Suddenly I'm n0t so scared of the staff meeting.

I spilled coffee EVERYWHERE. Shouldn't have left the spigot open while brewing a new pot. Gah!

I wonder when Trey will be here?

First years make me smile.

There are just too many good blogs out there.

Will my blog every be a good blog?

I really need to come up with some better material.

Because this? This is lame.

And yet? I feel then need to post several times a day lately.

Like I have something to SAY.

Bwahahahaha.

I hope I make it through Poem-a-Day February.

I hope I make it through this interview process.

I hope I don't choke.

I hope it still works out that I can get pregnant this year.

Wiggidy-wack is like the best word ever.

Yes, we are now at that place.

I am glad I talked to Shelia today.

I am glad I don't work there anymore.

I have got to work on my wardrobe.

I seriously love to people watch.

If Trey doesn't get paid today, well %(*@&W&(81 GAH!

O gosh! I just remembered I actually have some stuff I need to work on! Oops.

I wonder if I'll have time to work out tonight?

Because last night was awesome.

AWEsome.

It is not fair that baby clothes are so cute.

Or that every time I turn around someone is either pregnant or carrying a baby.

I'm not really an "other people's babies"-person but I can't wait to have my own.

Is that normal?

I love that I can feel my hair on the back of my arms now.

Almost to my goal!

Ok that's enough.

I need to stop now.

Stooooppp tyyypiiinnnggg.

Dooo soooommmeethhhinnngg prooodduuucttiiivvvee...

Seriously stop.

Stop.

Dangit fingers! I said stop.

STOP!


Wow that was slightly retarded and highly unnecessary. I'm going to go rejoin the real world now. And by that I mean that I am going to...ummm...type something else. And I just realized the last three sentences could have been typed just like the ones above: standing alone. And now I'm wondering if all sentences should just be written as stand alone, Twitter-esque, sentenses from now on. And while I was wondering that my brain imploded and now all I can do is sit here glassy-eyed. I'm sorry.

I'm going to sign of now.

Now.

Milk

I have a milk allergy.

I'm not lactose intolerant, I just have what they call a "milk sensitivity." And it seems to keep getting more "sensitive" with each passing year. See, I can drink milk and such but it can make me feel sick, or just gross or random other negative things like that. So this year I decided to try and stay away from milk, not avoid it entirely, but just try to choose more non-milk options.

The biggest problem I've come across so far is working in the cafe. Most of our drinks (actually, make that all the ones I love) are made with milk. So that has been hard to give up. We have soy but let me tell you, it changes the taste of the whole drink. And I don't love it. There, I said it. So...the only thing I have been drinking the past few days is soy chai. I love chai and it is strong enough to totally hide the taste of the soy. Actually, I barely put any soy in there at all--just enough to cut the spice of the chai. And it's been going well. I hope I don't get sick of it because then I'm going to have to be creative.

I just really feel like the negative effects milk was having on me were getting to be a little much. So, bye for now milk! I'm hoping that I'll see big improvements on the way I feel.

Oh and btw, I'm only 5 pounds from the lowest weight I ever was: pre-wedding haha. So I'm hoping that contunues to drop off lol.

Chao.

February Poem, Day 1

It is February! I can't believe it. January sure went by fast, which is interesting, because usually my Januaries (how DO you pluralize January?) seem to crawl. One of the goals I made for myself for February is to write a poem a day. That idea came off of my life-list-desire to write a book of poems. I thought it would be fun to write a poem every day for a month and then make it into a little book for our coffee table. Yes, I chose February because it is the shortest month haha. I may not post them all because of hectic scheduling this month but I'll try and post some. They should be pretty varied since I love different kinds of poems. I wrote this one today after I heard a bird singing on my way into work. It's a haiku. Enjoy:

I heard a bird's song
I thought to myself, "Spring time?"
My cold hands said no.

Fast Over. Alternate title: #43: Try being a vegitarian

I am a two post-a-day-er! Consider this partial make-up for my frequent bouts of disappearance. I may have mentioned before that our church has a 21 day fast. Well, it ended on January 30th. By the way, I love that it ended right at the end of the month. It warms my organized heart.

The fast was very different for me this year. The first two times I did it were when I was in 24/7 and (admittedly) I didn't do it last year when I was in Utah. The only explanation I can think for it feeling so different this year is because it is the first time I have chosen to do it on my own. Anyway, the fast was awesome. I have always enjoyed it in the past and this year was no exception. We had some awesome things happen and I just feel so content and so at peace right now. In fact, it has been so weird coming off the fast. Food hasn't been appealing to me the way it usually does. Another thing I decided to fast was secular music and I have yet to change the radio since the fast has been over. It just feels weird.

The reason for the alternate title is because, instead of doing a full fast, I did a Daniel fast. For those who don't know, a Daniel fast is (basically) fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. So that's what I've been eating for the past three weeks. Honestly, it was not too terribly different from what I normally eat since I eat so much fruit and vegetables. I'm thinkin I might have to go on a full fast next year but I'm kind of hoping that I wont be allowed to fast, if you know what I mean... From what I understand you can also eat whole grains but I just skipped bread all together. I guess what I did was more "vegan" than "vegetarian" since I wan't eating any animal products but, eh. So I'm checking that off my list. I'm almost pretty sure that I could make it as a vegetarian. I do love me some meat, but it wasn't so bad. I might have to try it for a longer period of time sometime. I heard that if you go long enough without meat your body can't handle meat anymore so I'm kind of scared to do that.

Anyway, #43 check. Let's move on to the next thing.

#42--Knit something besides a blanket or scarf

I've been waiting to post this till after my SIL's shower. It was yesterday so here you go! On a related note, baby girl stuff is TOO cute. I've got baby fever, bad, I'm still working on the hubs so well see...




I knitted a hat for my little niece! Actually, when my sister in law saw the scarf I knitted for my mom she said I should knit one for my little niece for when she's born! So I knitted the tiny little scarf and then learned how to make little, super easy, flowers. Then I decided to knit the little hat. Let me tell you...they say it is "easy" "for beginners..." I say BAH! That little hat was SO HARD to knit! I went through two sets of needles (you need round needles for knitting things like hats and socks). It was hard, but I am super proud of it. So there it is...my first thing to cross off my life list! Yay!And there is Trey wearing the hat. Lovely.

Thursday

Wow I just wrote a whole post and the EVIL internet disappeared it! Sigh, I don't have much to say. My mind is elsewhere with all the things coming up in our lives. I promise to explain more about that soon...

But first up, my sister-in-law's baby shower is on Saturday so I'm headed to Atlanta. I can't believe my little niece Lily is almost here! It has seemed to go by so fast! Course, I'm not sure it has for my SIL but since I only see her every once in a while, it has seemed to go by so quickly! Crazy.

Other than that, I've been continuing to love life. I can't believe how much more relaxed I am now that I'm out of that job. Every time I start to freak out about not working full time, I think "Would I rather be back there?" And all I can come up with is, "Thank you JESUS! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!" I am so happy to be out I can't even say. I venture to say that losing my job was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. It was an unhealthy place to be and just judging by how much better I feel, I think getting out of there was long overdue.

Anyway, au revoir.

Yes, the french is coming right along. Oh, how I love goals.

The Wheezing Sow

Last Thursday I decided to run. I had been going to the gym a few times but only doing the bike or elliptical. (I say "only" because I have a thing about working out that I feel like only running is working out. I am a running snob. Not because there is anything wrong with the bike or elliptical, just my brain.)

I hadn't run in...a long time...and I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. I mean, I was seriously out of shape and my body reminded me of that for the next two days.

Today I tried running again and, while I am still NOT in shape, I was surprised at how much easier it seemed. And that convinced me to try running again, and again, 'till I bring sexy back.

Love.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the title of this post, I'm pretty sure that's what they gym staff though I was after I ran. Yes yes.

Thoughts

My pants fit amazing today. You know that feeling when your pants just fit perfectly and, ah, it's just so wonderful.

Things are going fabulous right now. I'm feeling fabulous. Life is fabulous. Yes, the not-having-a-job-money-issue still gets on my nerves but I'm getting better and better everyday at banishing my worry and giving it back to God.

Yesterday I was thinking a thought as I drove to work. I was thinking about people and rich people and poor people and powerful people and regular people. And my thought was: all these people are in God's hand. It's not something new, it's just one of those concepts that hit me in the way that they sometimes do.

I sometimes struggle with insecurities, I think everyone does. Sometimes I just feel so small and powerless. I get afraid of what people might think of me or I feel like I'm trapped because I don't have as much authority as others. I get in my head that I will never change, never be able to be anything because I don't have the power or the money or the talent or WHATEVER. And then yesterday I realized, I am just a person same as EVERYBODY else. These barriers and distinctions that we put up to separate classes of people are man made. I have no reason to walk with my head down. I have POTENTIAL. I can walk up to anyone and know that we are the same.

It's not that big of a revelation and I can't accurately translate it in to words. But it made a difference to me. It didn't mean my insecurities are totally gone. I think things like that take time. But it was a good little nugget for me to file away.

O! My Booty!

I finally went to the doctor today. And I ended up having to get 2 shots (in the BEHIND!), a prescription for antibiotics, some nasal spray and some other pills that I have no idea what they're for. Sheesh. Guess I was a bit sick, huh? The doctor said that my ears were really bad but I'm really just hoping that all these meds clear everything up.

I didn't do much else today besides run around doing errands. Pretty typical, butt shots day.

Envelope

So, I'm sitting in the cafe at church. And I couldn't be happier. I had wanted to quit my job and come work here for months but I just never felt like I could. Trey has been working (very) part-time at the cafe for a little bit and when I lost my job he offered to let me work (at least some of) his shifts.

Since the church is in the middle of the fast right now there is not much to do. But hey, I'm used to not having much to do, right? But this is better. It's better because there are things I can do (cleaning) if I want and I can busy myself with various activities without being stressed out. Very nice.

--side note: I think I may be coming down with something as my ears are all plugged again and my throat is killing me. Have I become a sickly person? These are the questions that plague--

Anyway, I've recently discovered a new obsession: cute envelopes. I have some gifts to send out (more on that after I actually give them) and I had been looking online for cute, homemade envelopes I could make to put them in. The long and short of it is: I stumbled across this tutorial for making cute little envelopes out of magazine pages. I'm in love.

My junior and senior year of high school I had a, shall we say, *problem* with magazines. Okay, I was addicted. I bought every magazine. Part of it was me just wanting to read them and part of it was that one of the things I find relaxing is to cut pages out of magazines. I rarely used them for collages or anything else constructive, I just like to cut things out. Whatever....

So, once I realized I had this magazine problem (oh, about the same time I was running out of storage space beneath my bed). I quit buying magazines right then and there. Well...my grandma, for some odd reason, has subscriptions to several fashion magazines. And she, knowing I like magazines, saves them for me and I get them when I go to see her or my mom sends them to me. So I had this stack of magazines that I didn't know what to do with when I discovered this envelope thing. Bingo! Guess what I've been doing the past few days? That's right--folding dozens of tiny envelopes. I don't know what I'm going to do with them yet other than mail some, use some in my journal ect. I'm thinking of opening a shop on Etsy but well see...#53 is a-itchin to be done. I would just like to get some more things to sell before I make that step...

In other news, I am working on some other life list things. Since I am participating in the church fast I decided that I wasn't going to be reading any of the things I normally read (ie fiction, NOVELS) and, instead, would tackle Evidence that Demands a Verdict (#72). I've had it since high school, when I first got interested in apologetics. Since then, I've tried to get through it, but it's no party. Usually I would find my mind wandering as my eyes roved over the words and I'm pretty sure I never made it past the intro. Enter #72, and the fast, and I decided to try again. I am still not past the intro yet but I am making sure I am paying attention and I'm taking notes. I say I'm off to a good start.

Another thing I have started: #30--Become conversational in a foreign language. I went to the library and picked up some CDs for learning French. Actually, I am listening to lesson 2 as I type this. (Ya I'm not getting much out of it but maybe my brain is absorbing it. Haha.) I am pretty proud of myself as far as lesson 1 goes so well see how this works out. While at the library I also picked up some yoga DVDs in an attempt to start #27 but that is not exactly going stellar. Honestly, I just find yoga kind of boring. I'm thinking of taking it off the list but I want to give it the old college try first. More on that later.

All for now--out.

Crafty Afternoon

Today I had planned on cleaning the house and doing various other house-worky things. To be fair, I did start doing housework. Actually, the housework is what made me realize that I needed to get these other things done!

First of all, as I was cleaning off the table (aka my craft center for now) I noticed the sheets of wax paper I had left lying around that needed to be made into Martha Stewart's heart project. So I cut those out and put them together:



They didn't really give a good idea for putting the hearts up on Martha's site so I rigged this ribbon doodad. I taped all the threads down and then doubled over the ribbon and sewed it: it helped keep the hearts in their places and made for a slightly sturdy little arm. Not exactly sure where I planned to go from there so I just ended up taping the ribbon to the window. Whatever.

I'm no Martha but I think they turned out pretty well. Next time I'm going to use colors that have greater difference and LESS SHAVINGS.

Next, while I was putting away the dishes from the dishwasher, I was annoyed (as usual) by all the lids to our plastic containers being loose in the cupboard. So I decided to make a little pouch for them. Tada!


All I used was half an old pillow sham and some cardboard to make the back stay stiff instead of flopping all over the place. It was a bit of trial and error but I'm happy with it and it fits nicely on the inside of the door. No more lids falling all over the place!


I used the other half of the sham to make a pouch for all our plastic bags--another source of annoyance for me. We just have too many! They are great for things like kitty litter but I didn't have a good place to store them. So I made this super easy little pouch. And an awful lot of bags fit in it too! They take up much less space now haha.


And there is my little helper, sleeping the day away.


Since I'm all into re-purposing things now I feel like going and making my scrubs from my old job into a quilt. Haha. Now back to the housework...

Prayer

I don't know if I've mentioned anything about it on this blog before but Trey and I are looking for some big changes in our lives this year. Probably the biggest change we are looking at is Trey's job situation. Well, and now my job situation...obviously.

The changes we are most looking at are going to be HUGE. Like, biggest-thing-since-moving-out-and-getting-married huge. And I am scared half to death. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but sometimes my excitement gets overpowered by this overwhelming fear. I am constantly giving it back to God. Like, all day long. I count it as a plus that I keep giving it back to God but the struggle does get a little tiring.

You know, I think more people are called to do great things than are actually doing great things. And I can see why. It is terrifying to think of starting something from scratch--to think of changing my entire life and leaving behind everything that is familiar to start something totally new? Well, that's a bit unnerving. But you know what else? We went in to this fast seeking God and his will for our lives. And sometimes God surprises you with what his will is.

I don't want to post just yet what it is we are moving towards. Of course, if it happens, I will post. Our closest friends and our family obviously know what is going on and they are praying for us which is a huge blessing. But, if anyone reads this, would you pray for us to? Just that we know, with certainty, what God wants. We could have it totally wrong. Maybe things aren't supposed to change as much as we think, but we want to do what HE wants, whatever that means.

I'm sorry this is so vague. More to come.

From Trey

Trey likes to make up little songs. He does it all the time and just randomly sings them. I love it. I wish I would think to write them down, or record them, or something. Here is one he sang to me in bed this morning. I think there was more to it but this is all I got.

This is my love song
To you, my Lauren.
Till daybreak is your,
Friend and lover,
I don't know why I,
Can't get up now.
Please don't take,
My day,
Away.

For the love of finding forgotten things

I was puttering around old files on my computer today and found this poem I had written ages ago. Doesn't you own writing look better to you when you've forgotten about it? It does for me. I love reading over old stuff I've written, especially if I stumble across something I wrote down and then, presently, forgot about.

Enjoy:

Stolen moments.

Stolen kisses

Now like raindrops dripping off the window of my life.

Leaving behind streaks barely enough to remind me

Barely enough to taste the kisses

Left over from foggy nights

Bittersweet.

How can it be, but bittersweet?

It will never be able to be full,

Complete.

Never can I be perfectly happy with those stolen moments

The perfection of his arms around me,

His fingers on my skin.

Never will they be enough to overcome the feeling of injustice

Never will they set the confusion straight.

Today

Yesterday I didn't do much. I'm not depressed, I just didn't know what to do.

Today I got up, I worked out and I showered. I've got things to do but first I edited my resume and printed it off. Looks like I might be needing it soon.

While looking at my resume I got to thinking about school again. And going back. And you know what? I know like literally nothing about college. I just don't get it. And it seems to be impossible to get the information I need off the internet. All I know is that I did a year, I took some classes and I have about 45 credits. And after that I have no idea what to do. I know I should probably go in and talk to someone. The problem is that I have to get my transcripts and WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED?! I do NOT get college.

So...how's your Wednesday?

Today I got Fired

That's right. It sounds so ominous doesn't it. And ya...it was.

I got up this morning totally excited. I went to the gym (yay), took a shower, blowdried my hair (never happens) and grabbed the lunch I made last night out of the fridge. I was feeling good. I headed to work, as usual, and thing got rolling.

Then, at about 10:30 this morning, I got fired.

I know a lot of people say, "Oh it wasn't my fault! My boss is just a jerk."

All I'm going to say is that I was wrongly fired. I was accused of not being a team player and of being disrespectful.

If you know me at all, that is not who I am. Not only was I accused of "not being a team player" because I supposedly was having an issue with the training an hour away (which was not true and not even the issue.) I found out later that she had "no problem with my work." So...I actually am a team player?

The real issue is that I actually stood for myself when there was something I didn't agree about. I think what happened is I actually stood up to her when no one had done that before and she didn't like it. For this I was accused of being disrespectful.

Let me tell you this: I was not disrespectful. I would never be disrespectful to an employer. Especially someone whom I was afraid of the way I was afraid of this lady. You can choose to believe that or not.

As far as my boss being a jerk, I am not of that opinion. I was hurt, and actually what happened was wrong and, possibly, even illegal. But the harder I tried to be mad at her, the more I saw her as a blessing. She enabled me to get out of a place I couldn't get out of on my own.

I could say a lot more. And I have, several times to several people. But through it all? I have found myself feeling more blessed and less upset.

Blessed? you ask. Yes, blessed. Blessed because I have known for months that I needed to get out of this job. Blessed because, I believe, God orchestrated this situation when I couldn't. Blessed because I know that I did nothing wrong.

Ever since this all began I have been asking God: "Show me if I was in the wrong. If I was, I repent, and I have nothing more to say. Please search me and reveal to me any mistake I made in this situation."

I continue to believe that I was in the right and that I handled myself with maturity and grace. I was aware enough, during the whole ordeal, to keep myself levelheaded and make a concious effort to be polite and respectful, despite what she said.

I stand by my belief that 2010 is going to be a great year. Whereas this could have been a tragic ordeal, I see it as the begininng of something better.

So this morning I woke up excited, I was distraught, then I was set free.

And may God bring beauty from the broken.

What I'm looking forward to in 2010

The other day I was on my friend Kailey's blog and she posted the top ten things she is looking forward to in 2010. I don't have much on my mind right now( it's actually snowing in Alabama for once and I'm hoping to go HOME any minute) so I thought I'd do a quicky post of the same thing.

In no particular order:

10--Some kind of direction as to what we are supposed to be doing now.
9--A pregnancy?
8--Checking things off my life list
7--Getting a more organized life
6--Making new friends
5--Meeting my little niece, Lily, in March!
4--Taking control of my health
3--Taking a more relaxing view of life
2--Our first year anniversary!
1--Seeing my family again

There ya go.

As usual the higher-ups are being difficult about making decisions. I'm guessing there is going to be a big struggle against letting us go. I'm not so worried about the weather for myself but I don't want to be on the roads with all these Bama crazies! Plus, I hear they start closing roads down here when the white stuff falls. Isn't the point to get off the roads BEFORE they close them? Can somebody please send out the memo? Hello?!

Goin' to the chapel

And I'm not talkin about gettin married; I done did that. I'm actually talking about going to church. I watched the message from this last Sunday online. And it was really good. You can see it here. And it got me thinkin: I need to start going to church. This was a good message to get me in that mindset, too.

I've made resolutions as long as I can remember. Rarely, if ever, have I kept them. I have good intentions, yes, but I guess I'm not so good in the dicipline department. Something Pastor Chris said in this message really spoke to me: God want's to help me. GOD wants to personally help ME. It's like, someone I would look up to, wants to take time out of thier day to mentor me and help me reach my goals. Hello?! That's awesome!

And I realized, I need to be in church. Sure I go to the church, but I work there and I (admittitdly) only sporadically attend. I've realized that it is important for me to get fed. And maybe that will only be online a lot of times, that's ok. I believe that actaully physically going to church is more about the fellowship and I get that well and good working in the cafe. But I am lacking the "getting fed." Time to step it up!

O, hello 2010

So I didn't exactly start off the new year with the "bang" I could have hoped for. In fact, my New Year's day was spent cleaning the house and doing crafts until Trey got home from work. After that we did go go a movie but it was, still, nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. The rest of the weekend was spent much the same. Trey had to work both Saturday and Sunday so I spent a lot of time alone. Already we have hit road blocks, and situations didn't magically change just because the calendar rolled over to January. It has been so hard for me to truely learn that life is hard. I still fight against it, clinging to the hope that life isn't really hard, it's actually fun! a breeze! And I know that's a lie but I can't seem to let it go. So I am disappointed again and again when life does what it does and is hard as ever.

I had been so looking forward to 2010 that, when it actually hit, I felt like I did on the morning of my 5th birthday when I "didn't feel any different."

I got to thinking about all the goals I had set for myself for 2010: all the things I want to do, all the things I want to become...And I had to accept that these things are going to come slowly. I am not going to change overnight. The goals are going to have to be tweaked and even totally changed. It's a hard thing for me to accept since I've always been a kind of "cold turkey" girl.

So here's to small changes. I still think this year is going to be a great year.