...I apologize. I have blogs I want to write (read: move, crazy movers, this new life I'm living) but time, and lack of internet at home (currently) oh, and unpacking, are hindering me. Soooo....I thought I would write something I've been meaning to write since...January...
Church of the Highlands (my now old church) did a series in January about doing 5 things everyday to achieve your goals. If you interested in hearing more you can view the series here.
So, after many months, and much hemming and hawing, I have FINALLY narrowed mine down:
1. Make time for my Number 1
2. Take care of my temple
3. Be a good steward
4. Keep the romance alive
5. Overcome my inhibitions
I don't know why it was so hard for me to come up with these. I guess a lot of it had to do with the fact that I am 1.) indecisive and 2.) interested in just doing too much. I realized that I was putting things on my list that I already did without thinking and, subsequently, decided I needed to fill it with things I wouldn't do naturally: Things I needed to remind myself to do. And hopefully, the more I do them, the more they will become habits and I wont need a list to remind me to do "my 5."
More for me than anything else, I want to expound a little on each of my five:
1. Number one is all about making time for God: my Number One. I think that making time to read His word and to talk to Him is more important than anything else...and something I struggle with. Sometimes it's hard for me to make God my priority and I take my relationship for granted. I say to myself "God's still going to be there for me even if I do (insert some random task(usually sleep some more)) instead of read my Bible this morning." And that's true, He will still be there for me, but what kind of friend am I being if I don't make any time for Him? And how can I have a healthy relationship with Him if I never talk to him? Ya....exactly. (BTW, I'm not saying I don't talk to God, I do. I'm just saying I haven't made my time with Him enough of a priority lately.)
2.) Number 2 is something that's important to me. It's something I talk about and think about and plan for, and then never do. Taking care of my temple, to me, means a lot of things. It means exercising and watching what I eat and taking my vitamins. I want for my body to be a tool that I can use instead of something that holds me back by being too tired or too unhealthy.
3.) Number 3 encompasses several things. I had tried putting them all on the list until I realized that all these little "things" I wanted to do really were in the same vein of wanting to take care of what I have. Being a good steward, to me, means being frugal with our money. It means taking care of our things and being organized. Organization is something that is important to me and helps me get done the things I need to get done. For some reason, the things on my "5" are all things that are important to me but I never seem to do. I guess that's the point?
4.) Number 4 is all about my Number 2. God is my Number 1, Trey is my Number 2. Trey is the most important person on this planet to me and I know I have a huge responsibility when it comes to our marriage. Especially now that Trey is going to be in full-time ministry, I know that one of my big roles is supporting him. Not that that wasn't one of my roles before, it just seems even more important now for some reason. I want to be the very best wife to Trey that I can be and "Keeping the romance alive" means more than just "romance" if that makes sense. It means romantic things, like keeping it fresh and taking time to spend together, but it also means being there for Trey whatever he needs and being a good "life partner."
5.) When I had the first 4 done I had a lot of trouble coming up with number 5. I thought about lots of different things and I thought about my goals. My goals have changed a lot with this move and new situation and I knew that there were things I was going to need to change. Somewhere in the past few years I have become a totally different person than I was before. A few years ago I was outgoing and uninhibited. And lately, I've noticed that I'm...shy? SHY! What am I supposed to do being shy in a place and role that requires me to meet new people and set an example? So I decided to add it to my list and do something about it. They say practice makes perfect so I'm hoping that by "practicing" I can overcome this roadblock and get it off my list!
So there ya go. Or there I go. Time to get to work. I know I'm a bit late (January to April anyone?) but better late than never right? Exactly.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A Cry for Help
Let me tell you...this past week has been fraught with problems. It seems that everything that could go wrong, has:
Our movers have deceived us over and over again and have YET to deliver our stuff. Trey was given a bad check for some work he did which left us in a very bad place, especially considering the move and our trips back and forth to Alabama. I have been sick almost everyday and have had a mouth ulcer that is driving me insane (of course, those last two are probably more a result of the stress but they're not helping). Our house and storage needs to be cleaned out. And I just don't seem to have enough time to get everything that NEEDS to be done, done. Much less the things I had wanted to do.
And on top of those big ones, there have been countless little stresses that are, piled on the foundation of my big stressers, enough to push me over the edge. I'm so much of a mess right now that I feel like I can barely function. Poor Trey has taken the brunt of a lot of my stress.
I feel horrible, I've acted horrible. And those horrible things have left me feeling MORE horrible. It's an endless cycle of horrible that I just want to run to my bed to escape. And then I remember that I don't *have* a bed right now.
I want to cry, but every time I feel the tears someone else walks up to talk to me and I blink them away. I want to scream, but I know it's time for me to act like an adult. I want to stay in bed all day and wish the world would disappear, but there are things that need doing and people that need seeing and I must get up. I want to go away and take a vacation, but we just started a new job. I want my mom, but she's across the country.
Regardless, I have found that I have actually warmed up to North Carolina much more, and much sooner, than I expected. I know that God has a purpose and I DO trust him. I am desperately trying to focus on the things that are going well instead of focusing on the (seemingly countless) things that are going wrong. It's so hard and I just keep telling myself that this has to be satan. And then I tell myself that if satan is attacking this hard, the things we are meant to do in NC must be going to be really awesome.
I cling to the promises that God will provide for us and that he has a purpose and a plan. The doubts and worries seem to come so naturally to me and I'm so exhausted from fighting them off, and suppressing my feelings about the move, and trying to support Trey, and planning for 24/7, and taking care of things from the move (on the side we left as well as the side we're entering), and trying not to let people down, and trying not to fall apart when people seem to keep letting us down and on and on and on. I'm so exhausted, in fact, that I can't hardly sleep. And I have no idea how I'm going to help Trey drive back home tomorrow.
O God, help me! O friends...pray for me. Pray for me and Trey. I know, in my heart of hearts, that everything is going to be ok. I know that God is going to take care of us. And I know that this whole ordeal is something we'll look back on and laugh. Like, the parent's who tell you about their first years of marriage on a shoe-string budget. I hope we can chuckle about this the way they do. I hope that we look into each other's eyes and remember these days with the kind of romantic magic I always feel when older couples share these kinds of stories. I know going through the fire makes you stronger and all I can do is cling to my Jesus.
Believe it or not, I am relieved to not be pregnant or have a baby right now. I know, right?
Our movers have deceived us over and over again and have YET to deliver our stuff. Trey was given a bad check for some work he did which left us in a very bad place, especially considering the move and our trips back and forth to Alabama. I have been sick almost everyday and have had a mouth ulcer that is driving me insane (of course, those last two are probably more a result of the stress but they're not helping). Our house and storage needs to be cleaned out. And I just don't seem to have enough time to get everything that NEEDS to be done, done. Much less the things I had wanted to do.
And on top of those big ones, there have been countless little stresses that are, piled on the foundation of my big stressers, enough to push me over the edge. I'm so much of a mess right now that I feel like I can barely function. Poor Trey has taken the brunt of a lot of my stress.
I feel horrible, I've acted horrible. And those horrible things have left me feeling MORE horrible. It's an endless cycle of horrible that I just want to run to my bed to escape. And then I remember that I don't *have* a bed right now.
I want to cry, but every time I feel the tears someone else walks up to talk to me and I blink them away. I want to scream, but I know it's time for me to act like an adult. I want to stay in bed all day and wish the world would disappear, but there are things that need doing and people that need seeing and I must get up. I want to go away and take a vacation, but we just started a new job. I want my mom, but she's across the country.
Regardless, I have found that I have actually warmed up to North Carolina much more, and much sooner, than I expected. I know that God has a purpose and I DO trust him. I am desperately trying to focus on the things that are going well instead of focusing on the (seemingly countless) things that are going wrong. It's so hard and I just keep telling myself that this has to be satan. And then I tell myself that if satan is attacking this hard, the things we are meant to do in NC must be going to be really awesome.
I cling to the promises that God will provide for us and that he has a purpose and a plan. The doubts and worries seem to come so naturally to me and I'm so exhausted from fighting them off, and suppressing my feelings about the move, and trying to support Trey, and planning for 24/7, and taking care of things from the move (on the side we left as well as the side we're entering), and trying not to let people down, and trying not to fall apart when people seem to keep letting us down and on and on and on. I'm so exhausted, in fact, that I can't hardly sleep. And I have no idea how I'm going to help Trey drive back home tomorrow.
O God, help me! O friends...pray for me. Pray for me and Trey. I know, in my heart of hearts, that everything is going to be ok. I know that God is going to take care of us. And I know that this whole ordeal is something we'll look back on and laugh. Like, the parent's who tell you about their first years of marriage on a shoe-string budget. I hope we can chuckle about this the way they do. I hope that we look into each other's eyes and remember these days with the kind of romantic magic I always feel when older couples share these kinds of stories. I know going through the fire makes you stronger and all I can do is cling to my Jesus.
Believe it or not, I am relieved to not be pregnant or have a baby right now. I know, right?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
quick update
Well...after trials of many kinds...we're here in North Carolina.
I have to say, I'm doing much better than I thought I would be. Though we haven't actually gotten to stay in it yet...I do really like our new place. Now if the dern movers would just get here!
I haven't actually started working yet because the church is giving me some time to get our stuff together, but Trey has been working and I've been here everyday (what else am I going to do?). I am enjoying getting to hang out with him and being in meetings and such.
Ok now people are coming in the office and distracting me so that's all for now. I'll try to start updating more once we get settled and I can settle my brain as well.
I have to say, I'm doing much better than I thought I would be. Though we haven't actually gotten to stay in it yet...I do really like our new place. Now if the dern movers would just get here!
I haven't actually started working yet because the church is giving me some time to get our stuff together, but Trey has been working and I've been here everyday (what else am I going to do?). I am enjoying getting to hang out with him and being in meetings and such.
Ok now people are coming in the office and distracting me so that's all for now. I'll try to start updating more once we get settled and I can settle my brain as well.
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