A Cry for Help

Let me tell you...this past week has been fraught with problems. It seems that everything that could go wrong, has:

Our movers have deceived us over and over again and have YET to deliver our stuff. Trey was given a bad check for some work he did which left us in a very bad place, especially considering the move and our trips back and forth to Alabama. I have been sick almost everyday and have had a mouth ulcer that is driving me insane (of course, those last two are probably more a result of the stress but they're not helping). Our house and storage needs to be cleaned out. And I just don't seem to have enough time to get everything that NEEDS to be done, done. Much less the things I had wanted to do.

And on top of those big ones, there have been countless little stresses that are, piled on the foundation of my big stressers, enough to push me over the edge. I'm so much of a mess right now that I feel like I can barely function. Poor Trey has taken the brunt of a lot of my stress.

I feel horrible, I've acted horrible. And those horrible things have left me feeling MORE horrible. It's an endless cycle of horrible that I just want to run to my bed to escape. And then I remember that I don't *have* a bed right now.

I want to cry, but every time I feel the tears someone else walks up to talk to me and I blink them away. I want to scream, but I know it's time for me to act like an adult. I want to stay in bed all day and wish the world would disappear, but there are things that need doing and people that need seeing and I must get up. I want to go away and take a vacation, but we just started a new job. I want my mom, but she's across the country.

Regardless, I have found that I have actually warmed up to North Carolina much more, and much sooner, than I expected. I know that God has a purpose and I DO trust him. I am desperately trying to focus on the things that are going well instead of focusing on the (seemingly countless) things that are going wrong. It's so hard and I just keep telling myself that this has to be satan. And then I tell myself that if satan is attacking this hard, the things we are meant to do in NC must be going to be really awesome.

I cling to the promises that God will provide for us and that he has a purpose and a plan. The doubts and worries seem to come so naturally to me and I'm so exhausted from fighting them off, and suppressing my feelings about the move, and trying to support Trey, and planning for 24/7, and taking care of things from the move (on the side we left as well as the side we're entering), and trying not to let people down, and trying not to fall apart when people seem to keep letting us down and on and on and on. I'm so exhausted, in fact, that I can't hardly sleep. And I have no idea how I'm going to help Trey drive back home tomorrow.

O God, help me! O friends...pray for me. Pray for me and Trey. I know, in my heart of hearts, that everything is going to be ok. I know that God is going to take care of us. And I know that this whole ordeal is something we'll look back on and laugh. Like, the parent's who tell you about their first years of marriage on a shoe-string budget. I hope we can chuckle about this the way they do. I hope that we look into each other's eyes and remember these days with the kind of romantic magic I always feel when older couples share these kinds of stories. I know going through the fire makes you stronger and all I can do is cling to my Jesus.

Believe it or not, I am relieved to not be pregnant or have a baby right now. I know, right?