Tape

Tonight I drove by, what looked like, tape pulled out of a video tape strewn along the side of the road. It glittered in the streetlight and it caught me off guard. For some reason that sparkle of tape reminded me of the sparkle of snow on the side of the road. And that memory made me homesick. It made me long for the snow in the moonlight and the crisp air of a Colorado winter. For the blue skies and your breath catching in your throat. But more than anything it made me miss my family.

I've never been one to be really homesick, but the older I get, the better my relationship with my family gets and the more I miss them.

The holiday season is approaching like a freight train and I wish I could see them. I love my in-laws to death and I am so blessed to get to live close to them. But sometimes I wonder if I underestimated the cost of living so far from my parents.

If you live close to all of your family, know how blessed you are. I'm jealous of you.

Can you believe it's almost November? Where did this year go?! It seems like hardly any time at all since I was making my grand plans for 2010, and now I'm gearing up for 2011.

I'm really thinking *this* year is gonna be an awesome year. 2010 was hard, it was painful. I'm just really looking forward to picking myself up, dustin' off and making some progress this year. I'm looking forward to moving forward instead of sliding backwards and grasping at straws, like this year felt a lot of the time.

But if I've learned anything this past year, it's to let life do what it does. I can make all the plans I want and still at this time next year, life is going to look nothing like I imagine. That's just the way of it.

"Live like you're going to die tomorrow, plan like you're going to live forever."

#94--Make a Pie from Scratch

Ok so pretty much since I saw this video when I was little:

...I have been intrigued by the idea of making a pie from scratch. It's funny to think that something that used to be the norm fascinated me so much. Haha.

Then, a couple of months ago I went to Utah to visit my parents. There had been this restaurant I used to work at that had the best homemade pies and I was so looking forward to having some pie. There are just not that many places that sell pie, you know? Unfortunately the place was closed down so my pie dreams were dashed. That's when I decided to add "make a pie from scratch" to my life list. And last night, 3 months later, I finally did it and satisfied my pie craving!

Mixing the pie dough

Most of the recipes I found had you making the filling from scratch and then using store bought, pre-made, dough. But that's not the way I wanted to do it. I also wanted to make my own pie dough. After searching the internet for a while I decided to see what Martha had to offer. (Thanks to the free subscription I got to Martha Stewart Living I'm now obsessed with Martha haha). So I found this recipe for apple pie and this recipe for pie dough and went from there.

Dough to be cooled in fridge

Pie filling!

All ready to pop in the oven

Fresh out and piping hot

Yum yum yum

I was kind of nervous about making it because so often things I plan to do don't turn out like I thought. I was afraid the pie would explode or sink or SOMETHING. But it turned out amazing! It was actually a lot more time consuming than I thought but it was fun and I was super excited about it. I will definitely be making this again. Probably for Thanksgiving!

#10--Get a professional massage

Wow, I actually did this on Saturday, the 16th but, in the meantime, we've been moving and it's been crazy.

So my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and I went out to lunch and then to the spa for our birthdays. It was awesome and I really enjoyed the massage. But most of all I enjoyed the family time:)

I didn't take any pictures cuz..hello? That would be weird. Plus...my cameras were still packed. So....suffice to say CHECK! I'm pretty happy about it too.

The life list is going pretty well this year lol. I'm also pretty excited because after what feels like SCOURING the internet, I finally found a site to post an ad for a pen pal! And I also wrote to some people on the site, so I'm hoping that I can cross off #12 sometime in the near future! I think this is the life list item I am most excited about right now:)

Last but not least: meet Sally Squirrel!

O hai Sally Squirrel

Ya I know she looks nothing like a squirrel. And ya this is a terrible picture. I unpacked my cameras but I decided to go the lazy-cellphone-picture route.

I've had her since I was three. She actually used to have fur but it's long since rubbed off. I have no idea how I still have her or how I got her back from wherever she was hiding for several years. But whatever. She's been on a couple of mission trips with me now and, although I never took any pictures with her before, I've decided to start including her in some of my pictures, especially life list posts. Sooooo...welcome to the blog Sally Squirrel:)

Tip of the Day

When one day is all "exclamation points!!!!" and the next is all "CAPITAL LETTERS," take a benedryl and go to bed early.

Darn it, darn it all to heck

I am AGGRAVATED!

I feel like LAUREN SMASH. Such a weird feeling. I feel like if someone looked at me wrong right now I might scream. Not necessarily *at* them but just a general, guttural scream of frustration.

I am in an incredible *mood* tonight. I know what is setting me off, I just don't know why it's effecting me so deeply.

I've been going through these up and down swings of, I don't know, self-esteem maybe? I kind of feel used, which is something I've never really felt before. And I'm longing for something *real*.

This past weekend I worked a women's conference at the church and I got to attend most of the sessions. And ya know, it was really good and the main part I got out of it was something I needed to hear: you could have been born at any time, yet God chose for you to be born when and where you are. And all this made me feel awesome, like "I have a purpose!" and then I was all, "what the heck is my purpose?!"

It's something I had already been struggling with lately since I turned 23. I know I posted about it before but I really just thought my life would be different now. Like, MORE, I guess. I thought I would be important and I don't feel important. I thought I would be special and smart and I don't feel those things either.

I feel lost and like I'm still looking for "me." And I'm upset because I have (or I had) higher standards for myself and my standards say it's unacceptable for me to still not know who I am. Or what I want. Or what I even like.

And I feel like I'm making strides. And I'm trying to take steps in the right direction. Not just "step"-steps but actual meaningful and thought-out steps. And yet I still feel like for every step I take forward, I have to take two steps back for damage control.

So I'm frustrated. And I'm angry at the world. Like a child, I'm angry at the world for not giving me what I want. For not being what I expected. And I'm angry at myself for being childishly angry at the world. And I'm angry at myself for not pushing myself and making this life what I wanted it to be. I'm just so ANGRY.

And I'm lonely. And I'm sad. And I'm looking for someone to talk to and no one is there.

And I'll probably feel better in the morning. And foolish for posting this.

#103 Go on a hayride to a pumpkin patch

Trey with his pumpkin

aaannnddd...with another pumpkin

The farm had the most beautiful sunset.

Me and Trey

It's blurry cuz we were moving


Check!

This month is being a good life-list month for me.

Yesterday Trey and I went to a pumpkin patch with some friends. It was totally fun. I was really afraid that this item on my list wouldn't live up to my expectations. You know how that sometimes happens? So I was really trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it ended up being really fun! We got to go on a hayride, see some animals, pick out pumpkins and go through a corn maze.

Overall I really enjoyed it, although the best part was probably just being outside and getting to spend some time with my husband and some friends!

The view looking up from the hayride

Hayride!!

Punkins

Baby cow wants some MILK

Tip of the Day

Try plucking your eyebrows in the car (during the day)(not while you're driving)(duh). It makes a big difference.

Tip of the Day

Laugh lines are the trophies of a life well lived. Never back down from a good laugh.

#102? I'm saying CHECK

In a semi-effort to start #102 on my life list, as well as just for my own random pleasure, I thought it would be fun to start leaving random little things around in random places.

So today I got some paper and my gluestick (I wasn't kidding about that tip of the day) and made a little mini-book. And I wrote in it and drew (drawled) in it and now I'm just looking for a place to put it. I got like the hugest kick out of it ever so I'll probably do this again.

It also gets me super depressed to think about it getting thrown away so I made a duplicate and stuck it in my journal lol. Because I am awesome. The only thing left to decide is if I should try and track it somehow a la Operation Beautiful or something like that. Eh, maybe not.

I wish someone was leaving me random cute things to find in random places. I think I might be a hero.

Tip of the Day

Always have your gluestick with you. You never know what you might need to glue.

Tip of the Day

Don't continue to open up to someone who wont open up to you.

They obviously don't want the same kind of relationship with you as you want with them.

Stuck

I feel trapped.

I feel like there is some opportunity that I am missing out on. My internal environment is all in turmoil right now. I am just so FRUSTRATED and not completely sure why.

I feel like a bomb about to go off.

I guess that, for me, moving has always been the start of a NEW adventure. I've never moved back to anywhere before. And as much as I wanted to move back to Birmingham and I missed Birminham and I love Birmingham, it's like it goes against my nature to move back to Birmingham. Where is my NEW adventure? Can I find it in a place I've been already? It doesn't help that I have also, basically, lived here for four years now and my internal-time-clock is saying "it's time to move!" Old habits die hard.

You know, I think I watch too much TV and too many movies. Because my life never seems exciting enough. And lets be real, who's life is as exciting as TV? Even reality shows aren't reality. (And who wants the reality show brand of "exciting" anyway? ew.)

I want grand gestures! and great adventures! and to never work! Haha.

I hate Tuesdays.

Celebrate!

I think October is my FAAAVOORITE month. It has finally started to cool down a bit (knock on wood), the leaves will be falling soon and it all just makes me feel like it's FALL! my favorite time of year.

Yesterday I celebrated with some more fall-y jams and my {current} obsession:

Iced sugar cookie from Edgars! Plus...it is (was) a pumpkin! Hello! FALL!!!

Fall just gets me all pumped up for new adventures for some reason. And I also feel like it gets my creative juices a-flowin. Now if I just had some space...

Regardless, I see big things on the horizon and I feel like I've been walking around with and extra bounce in my step. Maybe this year can be salvaged yet!

Expectations

Can I just say, 2010 did NOT exactly go according to plan. Ya ya, I know, 2010 is not over yet. But hey, I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say that my expectations for an entire year are not going to come to frutation in the next three months.

Last winter I thought 2010 was going to be MY YEAR! It was going to be the best YEAR 4EVER YAY! Not to say that it was *all* bad, but ya...it was pretty rough.

I try not to look at things as failures. Instead, I try to see things as learning experiences and times of growth. That being said, I hope I grew a TON this year. Haha.

I was looking back at some of my old blog posts and thinking about all that I was going through at the time and all the things I was hoping to get out of this year. And you know what? Most of what I wanted to get accomplished did not get accomplished. And the dreams I had got put on hold and this year was a lot of heartache and pain. But I'm still glad I'm not where I was last year. I guess I'd say I'd rather be here than there. So I'd call that progress. And hey! there's always next year!

Come on 2011!