Why are some times so much easier than others to have faith?
Although 24/7 encompassed some pretty stressful times in my life, it always seemed easier for me to talk to God and to have faith. I find, as I am outside the little bubble, that faith is not always so close to grasp. So often I feel that I've fallen so far away. Times are tough when you have to be an adult! I never knew. And here I am, barely 22 yearls old, newlywed and totally lost. I find myself struggling almost daily with stress, anxiety, fear. I've started developing body aches I'm too young to have because of the stress.
And it all just makes me feel like the biggest failure. A failure who didn't go to college. A failure who can't take care of her family. A failure who didn't plan enough ahead, didn't save enough, didn't choose the right path. The funny thing is, I am a planner, a saver and a thinker. Also, I'm a worrier but I'm not sure if that applies or not.
So as I'm feeling all these things, I realize that I have been being the worst friend to God. I don't trust Him enough, I hardly talk to Him and I am DEFINITELY not listening. What brought me to this realization was when I went to him asking for help. Lately the life-stress that I wasn't prepared for is eating me alive. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I had nowhere to turn and I turned to God. And I asked for help: for protection, for wisdom, for a miracle. And then I realized that I had no right AT ALL to be asking for Him to be a good friend to me when I had been such a terrible one to Him.
Now listen, I know, in my head, that there is nothing we could EVER do to deserve God's love and help. And I know that, for some strange reason, He chooses to give it to us anyway. So I knew that my feelings of unworthiness were just more lies satan was trying to slip in among the feast of other lies he was feeding me. But that didn't really help. I tried to struggle through it and go to God anyway but the whole thing just made me think "after this I'll do better. I'll do this, I'll do that."
It can be very hard for me to have faith. I'm lucky: both my jobs are full of Christians. I have a wonderful, God-fearing husband and family. So why is it so hard for me? It's not like I'm struggling alone in a secular enviornment. And yet I'm not doing much better than if I was. It's all very sad.
Faith is something you have to fight for. It never just is, rather it's choice that we must maintain. Similarly, worrying is a choice, and one of the steps to being at peace is choosing NOT to worry, despite the odds against us.
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line is this.
You know God, who is real.
He is in your life.
He watches over His children and protects them.
And no matter the circumstances, he never lets you down.
Once you know these four things (and i'm sure you know them) all you have to do is trust that the God who has never let you down before will never let you down again, and then live in accordance to his principles.
Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries for itself, God WILL carry you through, just as he has carried me through countless trials and tribulation. And Lauren, it's never a bad time to start talking to God again ;)