Move

Thud thud thud thud. My feet pound the blue plastic that is the track at the gym. Four steps in, four steps out. It's the breathing Trey taught me and I try to focus on it. I make my legs lift up higher. I am my own coach, but I'm a softie. I used to push myself harder, but I pushed myself right out of the desire to run.

I used to care about numbers. I used to care about my speed, and my time. Now I don't care. I don't look at the clock. I just run and enjoy it. I don't know how fast I'm going. Probably not very fast, but if I keep enjoying it, then I'll keep running, and I'll get faster on my own without even knowing it.

Someone once told me I run like a duck. I've been self conscious about it for the better part of 10 years since.

Someone else once told me I smile when I run. I try to concentrate on that instead.

I'm lapping you for the second time, I say to the pink tank top in front of me (in my head of course). I always step it up a little when I'm passing someone. I tell myself it's just to get around them, but I'd be lying if there wasn't a bit of pride involved.

I've brought my ipod, but I left it in the locker. Some people can't run without listening to something, but sometimes I prefer it. Just as I prefer driving without listening to anything most times. It's my thinking time. Besides, the ear buds always fall out of my ears, and constantly pushing them back in is not why I'm here.

It feels so good to run. It's been awhile since I've been able to enjoy it and I'm so glad that I've got the fire to run back.

As I leave the gym, the wind is blowing and the breeze is warm. I smile and run down the stairs and to my car. I guess I just didn't get enough inside :) And for the first time, in a long time, I look forward to going back.