Every little thing is going to be alright

Last night I bought the lie.

I bought the lie that satan was spoon feeding me, and I bought it hook, line and sinker. I felt like I was scrambling to find a foothold and I started to believe that it wasn't going to be ok.

Trey and I had our first "real" fight last night I think. It was about money. Not a big surprise since that is one of the leading things couples fight about. And there I was, losing traction on what I know to be true and, instead, drowning right where satan wanted me.

I've struggled some with depression in my life. Not too terribly much, but enough to know that it isn't just "being sad." It was weird, to me, that I struggled with depression since I have always had a mostly positive outlook on life. Depression is so hard to explain. It feels like death and people who have never experienced it just assume that you can "will yourself out" so to speak. You can't.

So back to the present: Last night I felt that Dark Cloud that is depression trying to move in over my life. And I told it to get the heck outa here. I went to church (something I have been trying to make a point to do, instead of just working there) and I spent a lot of time thinking. And I decided that I need to make some changes. You can't get a different result if you keep doing the same thing over and over again. They say that is the definition of insanity. And things aren't really workin out for me right now. So I've got to change something here on my end.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I don't know what I'm going to do, as of yet. I know that sitting at my desk with the internet is not workin out for me. I know that never getting any exercise isn't workin out for me. I know that watching so much TV isn't workin out for me. So I've got to change those things at least.

Well, today I am having a great day. Yes, I have to work. Yes, I got almost no sleep last night. But it's ok. Because I'm changing my perspective from *grumble grumble* to "every little thing, is gonna be alright."

Ciao.