I know I've been saying that I'm going to post more about the friend thing. In fact, I think I said that I would post about it yesterday? Ya...I lied. Sorry about that. It's coming, just...not today.
Are there people who constantly have things to write about? Because it seems that, for me, my inspiration comes in waves. It also seems that a lot of my ideas, and I do have a lot, sound way better in my head than they are. You should see my unpublished drafts. There may be more drafts than published entries to this blog.
I'm tired today. Have I mentioned that? To be honest, I've been tired a lot lately. And sickly. The plan was to get back into working out this week. Who want's to guess if that happened? Ya, you're right: Nope. Usually I'm fine after I've actually gotten myself up. The hard part for me has always been getting myself up. 'Course, Trey isn't much better. I practically have to drag him out of bed everyday. So this doesn't equal much working out for us. I guess we could work out at night. I used to always work out at night when I lived in Utah. Sometimes even super late at night, even though I had to get up early the next day. What happened to my dicipline? Now, by the time I get off work, heading to the gym is the LAST thing I want to do.
Not only did I used to have more dicipline but I used to have more energy and spunk and general good life skills. I don't want to point the finger but I think my biggest problem right now is this job. It is dragging the life outa me. It's sapping my energy and my willpower. It's KILLING me, ya'll.
Actually, things have gotten slightly better. I was having some major panic issues the past few weeks but I finally got to a content place. Let me rephrase that: I've gotten to a peaceful place. I'm not exactly content, and I'm still interested in moving along, but I'm not AS stressed out. I know now that God is going to work things out and I just have to take things one day at a time. I'm no longer desperate and I'm no longer scared. I'm accepting of the way things are for now. And I'm waiting to see what happens.
All that to say, I'm still not totally stress-free. Sitting at a desk all day without anything to break up the monotony is not exactly conducive to a happy lifestyle. Not to meantion that the traffic I have to sit in everyday makes me want to scratch things. But I'll be ok, like I said, for now.
I've got to find some way to get back some motivation. The only time I feel my "get up and go" is when I'm working at the cafe. Other than that, most of the things I do seem to be pointless. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, I love my life, outside work. It's just that work takes up most of my time so it's become kind of a central figure in my life and takes up a lot of brain space.
I guess, to wrap this up, it's hard for me to be creative and write creativly in this setting. I'm most creative when I have high emotions: more moody and poetry writing-y when I'm down and more creative and up for writing stories when I'm happy. Right now, when I'm just apathetic, it's hard for me to spit anything out but apathy. What goes in must come out and all that. Sigh.
The thing about this blog is this: when I first created it I was all obsessed with couponing and stuff so I thougt I would record all about that (not that I don't still coupon, I do). I have kind of an addictive personality. Or maybe like and all or nothing type personality? I don't know. All I know is that I'll get on a kick about something and then, a lot of times, it will fade and something else will take it's place. Anyway, then I wanted to write stuff people will read. And now...well now I see this blog more as a practice space for me. I still want to write someday. Or now. But sometimes I have nothing to write about so I just get on and write posts like this. Like, even if I don't have anything to say, I feel like I still need to write something.
So ya. This blog isn't always going to be golden. In fact, it might not even be brass most of the time. But it's going to be here. To write stuff to remind me, to practice, for random bouts of creativity, for recording stuff. Here it is.
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