#42--Knit something besides a blanket or scarf

I've been waiting to post this till after my SIL's shower. It was yesterday so here you go! On a related note, baby girl stuff is TOO cute. I've got baby fever, bad, I'm still working on the hubs so well see...




I knitted a hat for my little niece! Actually, when my sister in law saw the scarf I knitted for my mom she said I should knit one for my little niece for when she's born! So I knitted the tiny little scarf and then learned how to make little, super easy, flowers. Then I decided to knit the little hat. Let me tell you...they say it is "easy" "for beginners..." I say BAH! That little hat was SO HARD to knit! I went through two sets of needles (you need round needles for knitting things like hats and socks). It was hard, but I am super proud of it. So there it is...my first thing to cross off my life list! Yay!And there is Trey wearing the hat. Lovely.

Thursday

Wow I just wrote a whole post and the EVIL internet disappeared it! Sigh, I don't have much to say. My mind is elsewhere with all the things coming up in our lives. I promise to explain more about that soon...

But first up, my sister-in-law's baby shower is on Saturday so I'm headed to Atlanta. I can't believe my little niece Lily is almost here! It has seemed to go by so fast! Course, I'm not sure it has for my SIL but since I only see her every once in a while, it has seemed to go by so quickly! Crazy.

Other than that, I've been continuing to love life. I can't believe how much more relaxed I am now that I'm out of that job. Every time I start to freak out about not working full time, I think "Would I rather be back there?" And all I can come up with is, "Thank you JESUS! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!" I am so happy to be out I can't even say. I venture to say that losing my job was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. It was an unhealthy place to be and just judging by how much better I feel, I think getting out of there was long overdue.

Anyway, au revoir.

Yes, the french is coming right along. Oh, how I love goals.

The Wheezing Sow

Last Thursday I decided to run. I had been going to the gym a few times but only doing the bike or elliptical. (I say "only" because I have a thing about working out that I feel like only running is working out. I am a running snob. Not because there is anything wrong with the bike or elliptical, just my brain.)

I hadn't run in...a long time...and I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. I mean, I was seriously out of shape and my body reminded me of that for the next two days.

Today I tried running again and, while I am still NOT in shape, I was surprised at how much easier it seemed. And that convinced me to try running again, and again, 'till I bring sexy back.

Love.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the title of this post, I'm pretty sure that's what they gym staff though I was after I ran. Yes yes.

Thoughts

My pants fit amazing today. You know that feeling when your pants just fit perfectly and, ah, it's just so wonderful.

Things are going fabulous right now. I'm feeling fabulous. Life is fabulous. Yes, the not-having-a-job-money-issue still gets on my nerves but I'm getting better and better everyday at banishing my worry and giving it back to God.

Yesterday I was thinking a thought as I drove to work. I was thinking about people and rich people and poor people and powerful people and regular people. And my thought was: all these people are in God's hand. It's not something new, it's just one of those concepts that hit me in the way that they sometimes do.

I sometimes struggle with insecurities, I think everyone does. Sometimes I just feel so small and powerless. I get afraid of what people might think of me or I feel like I'm trapped because I don't have as much authority as others. I get in my head that I will never change, never be able to be anything because I don't have the power or the money or the talent or WHATEVER. And then yesterday I realized, I am just a person same as EVERYBODY else. These barriers and distinctions that we put up to separate classes of people are man made. I have no reason to walk with my head down. I have POTENTIAL. I can walk up to anyone and know that we are the same.

It's not that big of a revelation and I can't accurately translate it in to words. But it made a difference to me. It didn't mean my insecurities are totally gone. I think things like that take time. But it was a good little nugget for me to file away.

O! My Booty!

I finally went to the doctor today. And I ended up having to get 2 shots (in the BEHIND!), a prescription for antibiotics, some nasal spray and some other pills that I have no idea what they're for. Sheesh. Guess I was a bit sick, huh? The doctor said that my ears were really bad but I'm really just hoping that all these meds clear everything up.

I didn't do much else today besides run around doing errands. Pretty typical, butt shots day.

Envelope

So, I'm sitting in the cafe at church. And I couldn't be happier. I had wanted to quit my job and come work here for months but I just never felt like I could. Trey has been working (very) part-time at the cafe for a little bit and when I lost my job he offered to let me work (at least some of) his shifts.

Since the church is in the middle of the fast right now there is not much to do. But hey, I'm used to not having much to do, right? But this is better. It's better because there are things I can do (cleaning) if I want and I can busy myself with various activities without being stressed out. Very nice.

--side note: I think I may be coming down with something as my ears are all plugged again and my throat is killing me. Have I become a sickly person? These are the questions that plague--

Anyway, I've recently discovered a new obsession: cute envelopes. I have some gifts to send out (more on that after I actually give them) and I had been looking online for cute, homemade envelopes I could make to put them in. The long and short of it is: I stumbled across this tutorial for making cute little envelopes out of magazine pages. I'm in love.

My junior and senior year of high school I had a, shall we say, *problem* with magazines. Okay, I was addicted. I bought every magazine. Part of it was me just wanting to read them and part of it was that one of the things I find relaxing is to cut pages out of magazines. I rarely used them for collages or anything else constructive, I just like to cut things out. Whatever....

So, once I realized I had this magazine problem (oh, about the same time I was running out of storage space beneath my bed). I quit buying magazines right then and there. Well...my grandma, for some odd reason, has subscriptions to several fashion magazines. And she, knowing I like magazines, saves them for me and I get them when I go to see her or my mom sends them to me. So I had this stack of magazines that I didn't know what to do with when I discovered this envelope thing. Bingo! Guess what I've been doing the past few days? That's right--folding dozens of tiny envelopes. I don't know what I'm going to do with them yet other than mail some, use some in my journal ect. I'm thinking of opening a shop on Etsy but well see...#53 is a-itchin to be done. I would just like to get some more things to sell before I make that step...

In other news, I am working on some other life list things. Since I am participating in the church fast I decided that I wasn't going to be reading any of the things I normally read (ie fiction, NOVELS) and, instead, would tackle Evidence that Demands a Verdict (#72). I've had it since high school, when I first got interested in apologetics. Since then, I've tried to get through it, but it's no party. Usually I would find my mind wandering as my eyes roved over the words and I'm pretty sure I never made it past the intro. Enter #72, and the fast, and I decided to try again. I am still not past the intro yet but I am making sure I am paying attention and I'm taking notes. I say I'm off to a good start.

Another thing I have started: #30--Become conversational in a foreign language. I went to the library and picked up some CDs for learning French. Actually, I am listening to lesson 2 as I type this. (Ya I'm not getting much out of it but maybe my brain is absorbing it. Haha.) I am pretty proud of myself as far as lesson 1 goes so well see how this works out. While at the library I also picked up some yoga DVDs in an attempt to start #27 but that is not exactly going stellar. Honestly, I just find yoga kind of boring. I'm thinking of taking it off the list but I want to give it the old college try first. More on that later.

All for now--out.

Crafty Afternoon

Today I had planned on cleaning the house and doing various other house-worky things. To be fair, I did start doing housework. Actually, the housework is what made me realize that I needed to get these other things done!

First of all, as I was cleaning off the table (aka my craft center for now) I noticed the sheets of wax paper I had left lying around that needed to be made into Martha Stewart's heart project. So I cut those out and put them together:



They didn't really give a good idea for putting the hearts up on Martha's site so I rigged this ribbon doodad. I taped all the threads down and then doubled over the ribbon and sewed it: it helped keep the hearts in their places and made for a slightly sturdy little arm. Not exactly sure where I planned to go from there so I just ended up taping the ribbon to the window. Whatever.

I'm no Martha but I think they turned out pretty well. Next time I'm going to use colors that have greater difference and LESS SHAVINGS.

Next, while I was putting away the dishes from the dishwasher, I was annoyed (as usual) by all the lids to our plastic containers being loose in the cupboard. So I decided to make a little pouch for them. Tada!


All I used was half an old pillow sham and some cardboard to make the back stay stiff instead of flopping all over the place. It was a bit of trial and error but I'm happy with it and it fits nicely on the inside of the door. No more lids falling all over the place!


I used the other half of the sham to make a pouch for all our plastic bags--another source of annoyance for me. We just have too many! They are great for things like kitty litter but I didn't have a good place to store them. So I made this super easy little pouch. And an awful lot of bags fit in it too! They take up much less space now haha.


And there is my little helper, sleeping the day away.


Since I'm all into re-purposing things now I feel like going and making my scrubs from my old job into a quilt. Haha. Now back to the housework...

Prayer

I don't know if I've mentioned anything about it on this blog before but Trey and I are looking for some big changes in our lives this year. Probably the biggest change we are looking at is Trey's job situation. Well, and now my job situation...obviously.

The changes we are most looking at are going to be HUGE. Like, biggest-thing-since-moving-out-and-getting-married huge. And I am scared half to death. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but sometimes my excitement gets overpowered by this overwhelming fear. I am constantly giving it back to God. Like, all day long. I count it as a plus that I keep giving it back to God but the struggle does get a little tiring.

You know, I think more people are called to do great things than are actually doing great things. And I can see why. It is terrifying to think of starting something from scratch--to think of changing my entire life and leaving behind everything that is familiar to start something totally new? Well, that's a bit unnerving. But you know what else? We went in to this fast seeking God and his will for our lives. And sometimes God surprises you with what his will is.

I don't want to post just yet what it is we are moving towards. Of course, if it happens, I will post. Our closest friends and our family obviously know what is going on and they are praying for us which is a huge blessing. But, if anyone reads this, would you pray for us to? Just that we know, with certainty, what God wants. We could have it totally wrong. Maybe things aren't supposed to change as much as we think, but we want to do what HE wants, whatever that means.

I'm sorry this is so vague. More to come.

From Trey

Trey likes to make up little songs. He does it all the time and just randomly sings them. I love it. I wish I would think to write them down, or record them, or something. Here is one he sang to me in bed this morning. I think there was more to it but this is all I got.

This is my love song
To you, my Lauren.
Till daybreak is your,
Friend and lover,
I don't know why I,
Can't get up now.
Please don't take,
My day,
Away.

For the love of finding forgotten things

I was puttering around old files on my computer today and found this poem I had written ages ago. Doesn't you own writing look better to you when you've forgotten about it? It does for me. I love reading over old stuff I've written, especially if I stumble across something I wrote down and then, presently, forgot about.

Enjoy:

Stolen moments.

Stolen kisses

Now like raindrops dripping off the window of my life.

Leaving behind streaks barely enough to remind me

Barely enough to taste the kisses

Left over from foggy nights

Bittersweet.

How can it be, but bittersweet?

It will never be able to be full,

Complete.

Never can I be perfectly happy with those stolen moments

The perfection of his arms around me,

His fingers on my skin.

Never will they be enough to overcome the feeling of injustice

Never will they set the confusion straight.

Today

Yesterday I didn't do much. I'm not depressed, I just didn't know what to do.

Today I got up, I worked out and I showered. I've got things to do but first I edited my resume and printed it off. Looks like I might be needing it soon.

While looking at my resume I got to thinking about school again. And going back. And you know what? I know like literally nothing about college. I just don't get it. And it seems to be impossible to get the information I need off the internet. All I know is that I did a year, I took some classes and I have about 45 credits. And after that I have no idea what to do. I know I should probably go in and talk to someone. The problem is that I have to get my transcripts and WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED?! I do NOT get college.

So...how's your Wednesday?

Today I got Fired

That's right. It sounds so ominous doesn't it. And ya...it was.

I got up this morning totally excited. I went to the gym (yay), took a shower, blowdried my hair (never happens) and grabbed the lunch I made last night out of the fridge. I was feeling good. I headed to work, as usual, and thing got rolling.

Then, at about 10:30 this morning, I got fired.

I know a lot of people say, "Oh it wasn't my fault! My boss is just a jerk."

All I'm going to say is that I was wrongly fired. I was accused of not being a team player and of being disrespectful.

If you know me at all, that is not who I am. Not only was I accused of "not being a team player" because I supposedly was having an issue with the training an hour away (which was not true and not even the issue.) I found out later that she had "no problem with my work." So...I actually am a team player?

The real issue is that I actually stood for myself when there was something I didn't agree about. I think what happened is I actually stood up to her when no one had done that before and she didn't like it. For this I was accused of being disrespectful.

Let me tell you this: I was not disrespectful. I would never be disrespectful to an employer. Especially someone whom I was afraid of the way I was afraid of this lady. You can choose to believe that or not.

As far as my boss being a jerk, I am not of that opinion. I was hurt, and actually what happened was wrong and, possibly, even illegal. But the harder I tried to be mad at her, the more I saw her as a blessing. She enabled me to get out of a place I couldn't get out of on my own.

I could say a lot more. And I have, several times to several people. But through it all? I have found myself feeling more blessed and less upset.

Blessed? you ask. Yes, blessed. Blessed because I have known for months that I needed to get out of this job. Blessed because, I believe, God orchestrated this situation when I couldn't. Blessed because I know that I did nothing wrong.

Ever since this all began I have been asking God: "Show me if I was in the wrong. If I was, I repent, and I have nothing more to say. Please search me and reveal to me any mistake I made in this situation."

I continue to believe that I was in the right and that I handled myself with maturity and grace. I was aware enough, during the whole ordeal, to keep myself levelheaded and make a concious effort to be polite and respectful, despite what she said.

I stand by my belief that 2010 is going to be a great year. Whereas this could have been a tragic ordeal, I see it as the begininng of something better.

So this morning I woke up excited, I was distraught, then I was set free.

And may God bring beauty from the broken.

What I'm looking forward to in 2010

The other day I was on my friend Kailey's blog and she posted the top ten things she is looking forward to in 2010. I don't have much on my mind right now( it's actually snowing in Alabama for once and I'm hoping to go HOME any minute) so I thought I'd do a quicky post of the same thing.

In no particular order:

10--Some kind of direction as to what we are supposed to be doing now.
9--A pregnancy?
8--Checking things off my life list
7--Getting a more organized life
6--Making new friends
5--Meeting my little niece, Lily, in March!
4--Taking control of my health
3--Taking a more relaxing view of life
2--Our first year anniversary!
1--Seeing my family again

There ya go.

As usual the higher-ups are being difficult about making decisions. I'm guessing there is going to be a big struggle against letting us go. I'm not so worried about the weather for myself but I don't want to be on the roads with all these Bama crazies! Plus, I hear they start closing roads down here when the white stuff falls. Isn't the point to get off the roads BEFORE they close them? Can somebody please send out the memo? Hello?!

Goin' to the chapel

And I'm not talkin about gettin married; I done did that. I'm actually talking about going to church. I watched the message from this last Sunday online. And it was really good. You can see it here. And it got me thinkin: I need to start going to church. This was a good message to get me in that mindset, too.

I've made resolutions as long as I can remember. Rarely, if ever, have I kept them. I have good intentions, yes, but I guess I'm not so good in the dicipline department. Something Pastor Chris said in this message really spoke to me: God want's to help me. GOD wants to personally help ME. It's like, someone I would look up to, wants to take time out of thier day to mentor me and help me reach my goals. Hello?! That's awesome!

And I realized, I need to be in church. Sure I go to the church, but I work there and I (admittitdly) only sporadically attend. I've realized that it is important for me to get fed. And maybe that will only be online a lot of times, that's ok. I believe that actaully physically going to church is more about the fellowship and I get that well and good working in the cafe. But I am lacking the "getting fed." Time to step it up!

O, hello 2010

So I didn't exactly start off the new year with the "bang" I could have hoped for. In fact, my New Year's day was spent cleaning the house and doing crafts until Trey got home from work. After that we did go go a movie but it was, still, nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. The rest of the weekend was spent much the same. Trey had to work both Saturday and Sunday so I spent a lot of time alone. Already we have hit road blocks, and situations didn't magically change just because the calendar rolled over to January. It has been so hard for me to truely learn that life is hard. I still fight against it, clinging to the hope that life isn't really hard, it's actually fun! a breeze! And I know that's a lie but I can't seem to let it go. So I am disappointed again and again when life does what it does and is hard as ever.

I had been so looking forward to 2010 that, when it actually hit, I felt like I did on the morning of my 5th birthday when I "didn't feel any different."

I got to thinking about all the goals I had set for myself for 2010: all the things I want to do, all the things I want to become...And I had to accept that these things are going to come slowly. I am not going to change overnight. The goals are going to have to be tweaked and even totally changed. It's a hard thing for me to accept since I've always been a kind of "cold turkey" girl.

So here's to small changes. I still think this year is going to be a great year.