Friendship lost

I am in a gloomy mood today. I think it's because of the heavy fog over EVERWHERE. So I'm posting this gloomy post from my draft folder. Yes...I save up for days such as these. Maybe I will post later when my creative juices kick in. Or not. I don't know yet.

Have you ever lost a friend?

I hadn't. I had moved away and lost touch with people. But I had never lost a friend, until now.

It's really strange. When you feel like you connect with someone so well. Like they are going to always be someone to you. Like they get you like no one else gets you. And then? They are suddenly not someone to you anymore. And you're not someone to them. And you don't get each other AT ALL. And you're all, "I am so confused."

Then, to see them with someone else? It's kind of like the same feeling as seeing your ex with someone else. Even if you were the one to break it off it still hurts, you know? And you're like, "You are still supposed to love me even if I don't love you." Not in the friendship case, in the ex case. With friends it's more like, "It was supposed to be you and me. Like, forever. Bff's. Right?" Not all friendships feel like this when they're over. But some do.

We have moved into totally different lives. I can almost physically see the split in my minds eye. I can look back and picture when it happened. One minute we were "forever friends," and then, we were nothing. We weren't angry. Nothing "happened." It just...happened. It just ended.

I have a new best friend now: my husband. I'm not sad. I'm not upset. I don't hardly ever even think of it. But every once in a while, when I'm turning over memories in my head or flipping through pictures I remember. I don't get depressed, I don't wish it was different. I just remember.

And maybe someday things will change. I know that it can be hard for single people to be friends with married people. I know it can be hard to pick up peices of a friendship that is shattered. But someday things could change. It would be more like starting a new friendship though, and less like picking up where we left off.

And this post isn't a lash-outy post. It's just something I sometimes think about. Like I said, I'm not upset. I don't really feel one way or the other about it. In fact, with all the friends I've had over the years, whether we've grown apart or not, I can't think of a single one that I have anything but fond memories of. Sometimes, even if there was bad stuff between you, that stuff just fades over time. And all you remember is the good stuff. I like that about life.

So, To Friends. Reason, Season and Lifetime friends: you rock.