In which I steadily change topics throughout the whole post while not changing topics at all

I wrote a really lame post today. I had what I *thought* was a great idea and then I couldn't flesh it out. But I wrote it anyway. And it was awful. I almost want to post it but it's just too embarrassing. Maybe I'll try again another time.

My brain feels fuzzy today. Like when a sneeze is stuck. Or like someone erased the edges of my mind. Yesterday I was all excited, looking up publishing tips. Sigh. Now I can barely look at my computer screen without going cross-eyed.

I'm having trouble focusing on any one thought for any period of time. I keep getting distracted and finding myself staring at nothing, thinking about nothing.

I feel like I'm back in that lost place. The sad thing is, the lost place is becoming familiar to me. And that is either ironic or just plain wrong. The place where I feel the most unstable is not a place that I should keep coming back to. I think part of the problem is that there just seems to be too many possibilities, to many paths. And yet, most of those paths (and usually the good ones) look unatainable.

I find myself having the same problem in my life as I do in my writing: just as soon as I get focused on an idea, a thought, it seems like the rest drops of the back. And I'm left grasping at partial ideas, partial thoughts, desperately trying to see the rest. It's like trying to remember the words to a song when they're just on the tip of your tounge and you can almost...almost...but not quite. I wish I could look up the lyrics to my life on the internet.

I'm not even sure my life song would have lyrics. Sometimes I think it would more like an orchestra. Unfortunatly my orchestra seems to not be able to get it together. Everyone knows that an orchestra that plays in harmony is beautiful, but one that is disorganized is a disaster. Lucky me, mine seems to be stuck in the latter.

Of course, I can't see the whole picture. I could have this all totally wrong. Maybe these bits and peices, my day to day life, are only making noise. Maybe someday when I look back, all those noises put together will make beautiful music. I hope so.