Minor meltdown

Something is wrong with me. I'm pretty convinced. Here's how I know:

Today I left the house without any deordorant on. What?! Ew. Thank the Lord this is not the first time I've done this lately so I had a little travel deodorant in my drawer at work.

I also left the house without makeup on. Now this has become the new norm for me since I am going for more of the au-natural look, but today I didn't decide to not put makeup on...I just forgot.

I packed a salad for lunch with lettuce that had CLEARLY gone bad. For some reason I took it anyway. I did not eat said lunch.

Today I took a LONG nap at lunch because I am always tired. Like, wiped out even though all I do all day is sit at a desk.

But the main reason I know that something is wrong with me? Last night I had a minor meltdown.

I don't know why but all of a sudden I was brushing my teeth with my pants around my ankles (they were just uncomfortable and I couldn't take it one more second) crying for no apparent reason.

Needless to say Trey was semi-freaked out. Especially since I had no explaination for my behavior. Especially since I have not cried (excluding a few minor incidents where I may have teared up for like, a minute) since we've been married. Sigh.

Suffice to say that I think I finally got to the bottom of my freak-out (after many "I don't know what's wrong with me!*sniffle sniffle*"'s) I think that I always felt like I was going to do something great and then, suddenly, I found myself being completely average. Is it conceited to say that being average is a big fear for me? I felt like I had gotten to a place where I was stuck in a dead end job with nowhere to move up, I don't workout anymore, I have no social life and no outstanding talents. Very AVERAGE. Or maybe even less than average and somewhere in the realm of "loser."

I felt like I was being lazy and gaining weight (why is this such and issue for me?) and not doing anything with my life. I cried that I would never finish college or be a good mother or a good wife. My poor husband. Thank God for him. He is GOLD.

So we talked through it. I had come to the conclusion last week that there were only two things I could see myself doing long term that I wouldn't hate and might even enjoy. So we talked through those. And we shared dreams and decided to take the week to pray about it. I feel much better now.

Wish I wasn't here at work again staring at this screen all day. It really puts a damper on the dreams that were so big last night...